Tom Horne in Junior English

At a news conference Tom Horne called to blast the new TUSD discipline plan, he said: "I haven't read the plan itself, but I've read descriptions of the plan." [referring to a column that misrepresented the plan and a newspaper article]

by David Safier
Teacher: Tom, how are you doing on that book we're reading?
Tom: That book is bogus, man. Who wants to read a book about how brave Commies are?
Teacher: How brave . . . What are you talking about, Tom?
Tom: I ain't reading a book about Red Courage.
Teacher: The title is Red Badge of Courage.
Tom: So they give the Commie a medal? That's even worse. My friend told me they call him a hero 'cause he killed Americans. They shoulda hung him, man.
Teacher: It's about the Civil War, Tom. Everybody fighting was an American.
Tom: Typical. Those Commies have an excuse for everything.
Teacher: Have you read any of the book?
Tom: Yeah, I skimmed a few pages. It was boring. And I read the paper my friend wrote about it last year. It only took him 50 words to say how lame the book is. If I ever get to be President, I'm gonna pass a law that says they can't make us read books about Commies.
Teacher: (sigh) Take your seat, Tom. We can talk about the book when you've actually read some of it.
Tom: Yeah, whatever.