Al Melvin solves our educational and economic problems

by David Safier

At a legislative forum held at the Northwest Tucson YMCA this morning, Al Melvin laid out a series of bold educational and economic plans.

Here are Melvin's ideas, summarized:

1. Turn our low income students into a steady supply of troops for the military.
2. Build enough nuclear power plants to supply all of Arizona's energy needs and have enough left over to export power to California and Mexico.
3. Grow Arizona's economy by making us the nation's nuclear waste dump.

Amazing though it may seem, only the first of the three ideas is an exaggeration of what came out of Melvin's mouth this morning, and only a slight exaggeration. The other two are dead on.

Here are Melvin's ideas in greater detail.

When the subject of cuts to education came up, Melvin said the school districts in his Legislative District 26 are doing just fine. He'll defend them to anyone. He singled out Flowing Wells District as an example of how well the schools are doing, because it faces the challenge of educating lots of low income students. Melvin said 80-85% are on free or reduced lunch. Then he said,

Despite that, [Flowing Wells schools] are graduating young men and women who are going off to the Service Academies. . . . [And] they have one of the largest JROTC units in the state.

That's it. That's all he said to show what a fine job the Flowing Wells schools are doing. Not a word about test scores or graduation rates. He's happy with the schools because they're training poor kids to be soldiers.

At another point in the forum, Melvin said Arizona should become "the most atomic friendly state in the nation."

I should note, he only used the word "nuclear" once, and it was a slip of the tongue. Melvin's term of art is "atomic." I guess the word "nuclear" has become radioactive — from a political standpoint — so "atomic" it is. After all, who can be against atoms?

Melvin wants to see nuclear atomic plants sprouting like mushrooms all over the state. Let's have "3 or 4 more Palo Verdes," he said, referring to the massive Palo Verde nuclear plant west of Phoenix, which is the largest nuclear electric generating plant in the nation.

We'll generate so much power from the plants, Melvin says, we'll be able to export power to California and Mexico. Mexico will use the power to desalinate water, which it will send to California, so California will use less of the Colorado River water, which means we'll have more water for our own use.

Voila! Plenty electricity, plenty water, plenty money!

But that's not the end of Melvin's atomizing (atomacizing?) of Arizona. Melvin also suggests we become a center for what he calls "atomic energy recycling." Translated, that means, he wants the entire nation to send its nuclear waste to Arizona, where we do whatever you do with nuclear waste.

That's the term Melvin used: "Atomic energy recycling." It's a lovely, green-sounding term, isn't it? Very appropriate during Earth Week. What he means is, he wants to turn Arizona into the permanent burial grounds for the nation's radioactive nuclear waste.

Now, I'll bet you didn't think Melvin could tie nuclear waste dumps and education together, did you? But that's only because you don't understand the man's genius.

What the state needs, Melvin said, is "an identifiable, steady state means of funding education in Arizona."

And, if we bring enough of that "atomic energy recycling" to Arizona, Melvin said, "I think that would present an opportunity for that steady state major funding. In fact, if we do it right, I think it would fund all of public education in the state, in our lifetime and in the lifetime of our children."

If you like what you hear from Senator Al Melvin, I urge you to contribute to his campaign and work hard for his reelection.

On the other hand, if Sen. Melvin frightens the hell out of you, there's a fine Democratic candidate in the running, Cheryl Cage, who ran against Melvin in 2008 and plans to win this time around. She can use all the support she can get. [Full disclosure, I'm a friend and supporter of Cheryl Cage. And proud of it.]