Ciscomani Proud of His Endorsements
A Satire. Even though he likely is really proud of all his endorsements.
Congressman Juan Ciscomani recently won the endorsement of the Turning Point USA Action group. He happily announced this on his Facebook page on February 18, 2026.
That first paragraph is totally true. Not at all satire.
The rest is satire. I hope.
TPAction added to his growing list of supporters, increasing his chances for a win in November. Other endorsements include:
The International Society of Bond Villains
America is a Christian Nation Full Stop
ProFa
EWW (Evil Wealthy Whites)
People for the Destruction of the Constitution
Arizonans for Less Water and More Climate Change
Lock ’em All Up
I Know You Are But What Am I?
Skynet
More Surveillance Now
Palantir
Sauron
The Proud Boys
The Shameless Boys
The Morally Reprehensible Boys
ICE
KKK
NRA (For White People Only)
Evil Trouble Action Group
DUUH
No Derechos Por Humanos
Americans Against Americans
Obey or Die
Ignorance is Strength
Voters Against Common Sense
More Tax Cuts for Wealthy People League
Health Care is Unhealthy
Lex Luther
Lord Voldemort
Emperor Palpatine
Montgomery Burns
Wile E. Coyote, Genius
Elon Musk
Freddy Kruger
Vladimir Putin
Named in the Epstein Files Support Group
Donald Trump, King of Kings
Donald Trump’s Obedient Servants Society (formerly known as Republicans)
Vigorous Ass-Kissers of America
Juan Ciscomani plans to have a fund raiser soon. Those who do not contribute sufficiently will be put on the newest Turning Point watchlist.
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Might I note, CiscoMAGA also recieved the endorsements of:
Billionaires First!
Elites Dining on the Poor Club and Chophouse
Ponzi Operators for MAGA Brotherhood
Crypto Insiders Unite!
Being Poor is Terrorism Against the Rich PAC
Christian Nationalists for Biblical Law
Hispanics Who Still Believe They Can Qualify as White People in America PAC
Quiverful Neighbors Helping Neighbors (nudge, nudge, say no more!) Clubs of America
Guns for Tikes Stores and Online Swapmeet
Religious Schools for Public Funding of Christian Religious Indoctrination Only
The Forlorn Applicants to the Mayflower Society Association
The Mediocrities in Good Suits Propped up by Brilliant Spouses Men’s Club
The ‘It’s OK If You Are MAGA’ Pedophile, Rapist, and Trafffickers Union
I was really surprised with the Wile E. Coyote endorsement. But then I stopped to think – and couldn’t get started again. Cisconami stopped in mid air just before gravity took over.