Harry Potter, meet Merriam-Webster

by David Safier

Looks like going after all that sorcery and devil worship in Harry Potter books isn't enough. Now they're going after dictionaries in elementary schools.

[A parent] called the principal of Oak Meadows
Elementary School to say that entries describing oral sex in the
dictionary were too explicit. The books were immediately pulled off
the shelves and "temporarily housed off location" until a committee
could determine their suitability for children.

"The dictionaries have not been banned," said Betti Cadmus, a
spokeswoman for the Menifee Union School District in conservative
southwest Riverside County, on Monday. "There was a growing concern
by parents that some of the words were not age-appropriate."

A panel of parents, teachers and administrators will meet later
this week to comb the dictionary for potentially graphic words or
definitions and issue a report within a month.

You know . . . if a few graphic descriptions in dictionaries will get kids to pick them up and figure out how to use them, I'm all for graphic descriptions.

"Did you know dictionaries mention (tee hee) unmentionables? Peepee isn't the only word for that thing. Take a look. Hey, I don't know some of the words in this definition. What's "erectile," "copulation," "semen" and "clitoris." Let's look 'em up! Oh, there's the bell for recess. Damn!"

I guess the school had to pull the dictionaries, but I would much rather someone said to that mother, "Get a life."