Introducing the Adventures of Cutman and Melvin

by David Safier

There's a new dynamic duo in Phoenix — Cutman and Melvin, aka Senator Russell Pearce and Senator/Captain Al Melvin. Pearce has worked alone as The Conservative Crusader for years, cutting taxes and chasing immigrants, but the Masked Man from Mesa has found a kindred spirit in his new Sidekick from SaddleBrooke.

Pearce, the Chair of the Senate Appropriations Committee, chose Melvin as his Vice Chair.

“The chairman told me he wanted someone he could trust, and who he thought was like-minded, and would work hard with him,” said Melvin. “He asked for me specifically by name."

Cutman and Melvin, working together to fight against the crime of excess appropriations.

What are the not-so-secret identities of these superheroes?

Russell Pearce is a well known figure around the State Legislature. He's a champion of the fight against immigration who wants to bring back the 1950s "Operation Wetback" program and forwards white separatist emails to his friends.

He's a warrior who fights taxes while he looks for ways to cut the fat from education and other wasteful programs.

He's anti-abortion and anti-gay marriage.

He's ready and willing to fight for what he believes in, with an flag in his hand and Reagan in his heart.

Captain Al Melvin made it to the Senate on his second try. The first time, along with proclaiming his pride at being a Minuteman and his hope we can build an unbroken border wall from California to Texas to keep out the bad guys, he stated he was planning to join together with his fellow conservatives in Phoenix to help further their agenda.That didn't go over so well down here, so he changed his pitch this time, pledging to represent the needs of Southern Arizona. That did the trick.

Now that he's elected, he's excited about the opportunities afforded to conservatives because our economy's in the tank.

“When everyone is on their knees, so to speak, from the adverse economic situation, you can get more accomplished in a fundamental way than you can if you’re flush with revenue and cash.”

Will Melvin help Pearce cut school budgets after campaigning as a pro-education candidate? Will he fight the good fight with the Maricopa majority to gut Rio Nuevo and other Southern Arizona projects as part of his Mission to Get Things Accomplished when Everyone is on their Knees?

Stay tuned, boys and girls, as we follow the further Adventures of Cutman and Melvin.