The latest Scarp: BIGGER! BOLDER! RECORD BREAKING!!!

by David Safier

The Media Releases Daniel Scarpinato writes for House Republicans are fascinating and fun in so many ways. And this one, I have to say, is simply Scarp-ilicious.

First, there's the headline type size. It's 44 point. Most media release heads are 18 point. And it's all caps (most are caps and lower case). TWO-AND-A-HALF-TIMES BIGGER AND BETTER. RECORD BREAKING!!!

And then there's the headline itself:

ARIZONA TOOK BOLD ACTION IN RECORD TIME:
Lawmakers met historically difficult
challenges in just 100 days

Look how proud Daniel is of their accomplishment:

Lawmakers adjourned in 100 days – the shortest session in more than a decade. Only five times in the last 30 years have lawmakers finished so swiftly.

Yes, that's really what Arizona cares about: how fast Republicans can pass bills. You craft them behind closed doors (or have them pre-crafted by national conservative organizations), allow little discussion and hold quick votes with predetermined outcomes. Voila! Terrible legislation in record time! Democracy in action.

You can read the whole release after the jump, but first, let me pull out all the political cliches. It gets a bit repetitive, but every cliche deserves to be  heard, no matter how many times it's used. Prepare for the onslaught.

• the biggest challenges in the state’s history
• tackled some of the most complex challenges in the state’s history
• Closing a $1 billion budget shortfall
• reforming entitlements
• streamlining government
• creating jobs
• the centennial Legislature rose to the great challenges before us in a way that the legendary Arizona leaders who came before us would be proud of
• Rather than kick the can down the road
• balance the budget
• create jobs
• reform government and entitlements
• tough decisions that required bold action
• we rose to the challenge
• coming together and getting down to business
• fix our economy
• create jobs
• reign-in spending
• bold decisions
• brighter days for Arizona
• The voters sent us here to make tough decisions
• historic and comprehensive Jobs Bill. The largest permanent tax cut in Arizona history
• turn Arizona’s economy around
• diversify our economic base
• high-paying, high-quality jobs
• hard-working Arizonans
• passed a balanced budget
• instituted long-term spending reforms
• no new gimmicks, debt or borrowing
• major pension reform package
• protects the commitment we’ve made to our hard-working teachers, firemen and police officers
• ensuring our state pension system is solvent and sustainable
• stop the abuses we’ve seen in the system

I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted!

CLEVERNESS POINTS: You know how Republicans have been crowing about their gimmick-free budget, when it's actually riddled with gimmicks? The Scarp-ilicious turn of phrase is "no new gimmicks." I guess using the same old gimmicks everyone else used is making tough decisions and taking bold action and getting down to business and . . . you get the picture.

And I admire the Scarp-ic chutzpah: admitting the corporate tax cuts are "The largest permanent tax cut in Arizona history." Excuse me, did I say corporate tax cuts? I meant "historic and comprehensive Jobs Bill."

DR. WORD UPDATE: Dr. Word just noticed a "Scarp calling Dr. Freud" moment. He used the phrase "reign-in spending." The term is "reining in spending," as is, pulling back the reins to slow a horse down. Yes, Daniel, if it makes you feel bigger somehow, it's the Republican reign in Arizona right now, and you're the court jester  court reporter town crier.

ARIZONA TOOK BOLD ACTION IN RECORD TIME
 
Lawmakers met historically difficult
challenges in just 100 days
 
 
STATE CAPITOL, PHOENIX (April 20, 2011) – The Arizona House of Representatives wrapped up the 1st regular session of the 50th legislative session today, meeting some of the biggest challenges in the state’s history – and doing so in record time.
 
Lawmakers adjourned in 100 days – the shortest session in more than a decade. Only five times in the last 30 years have lawmakers finished so swiftly.
 
What’s even more impressive is that lawmakers tackled some of the most complex challenges in the state’s history: Closing a $1 billion budget shortfall; reforming entitlements; streamlining government; and creating jobs.
 
“It’s fitting that the centennial Legislature rose to the great challenges before us in a way that the legendary Arizona leaders who came before us would be proud of,” said House Speaker Kirk Adams. “Rather than kick the can down the road, this Legislature proved that it is possible to balance the budget, create jobs and reform government and entitlements. These are tough decisions that required bold action – and we rose to the challenge.”
 
Majority Leader Andy Tobin credited both veteran and new lawmakers for coming together and getting down to business.
 
“Our work to fix our economy, create jobs and reign-in spending does end today – but by making bold decisions over the last 100 days we are a giant step closer to brighter days for Arizona,” Tobin said. “The voters sent us here to make tough decisions, and together, we’ve worked hard to do just that.”
 
Less than 40 days into the session, the House passed a historic and comprehensive Jobs Bill. The largest permanent tax cut in Arizona history, this Jobs Bill is the first step in our efforts to turn Arizona’s economy around, diversify our economic base and make sure there are high-paying, high-quality jobs for hard-working Arizonans.
 
Eighty-two days into the session, the House passed a balanced budget that cut more than $1 billion from the state budget and instituted long-term spending reforms. This was the first structurally-balanced budget to pass the Legislature in at least five years – and it included no new gimmicks, debt or borrowing.
 
Ninety-five days into the session, the House passed a major pension reform package that protects the commitment we’ve made to our hard-working teachers, firemen and police officers by ensuring our state pension system is solvent and sustainable. Without a sustainable pension system, we couldn’t guarantee that it would still be there. This proposal ensures that it will be. This pension reform package aims to stop the abuses we’ve seen in the system – like double-dipping – and modifies the benefits elected officials receive to more closely match what rank-and-file state employees receive.
 
For more information or to schedule interviews, please contact Daniel Scarpinato at 602-926-3233 or dscarpin@azleg.gov