General George S. Patton would like a word with Andrew Thomas

I almost spit out my coffee this morning when I read this headline in the Arizona Capitol Times: A fence through the middle of Arizona: Thomas unveils ‘Patton Line’ border security plan.

In my youth I knew veterans who had served with General George S. Patton in his Third Army that liberated Europe in World War II. I know about Patton from the men who actually served with him. These veterans are all gone now, having passed away.

For the disgraced and disbarred Andrew Thomas to refer to his proposed border fence as the “Patton Line” is an insult to intelligence, and dishonors the memory  of a great American hero. The General would like a word with you . . .

Quoted in 50 Military Leaders Who Changed the World‎ (2007) by William Weir, p. 173.

As for the rest of “Saint” Andrew Thomas’ border plan, A fence through the middle of Arizona: Thomas unveils ‘Patton Line’ border security plan (subscription required):

Andrew Thomas unveiled his border security plan, providing details of the “Patton Line” that he referenced in a recent television ad for his gubernatorial campaign.

The disbarred former Maricopa County attorney and Republican gubernatorial hopeful, who has made border security and illegal immigration the focal point of his political career, said the Patton Line would involve fencing and thousands of National Guard troops along the border.

* * *

Thomas said he would deploy 3,000 National Guard troops to the border at a cost of $60 million a year. He would also build fencing along the entire length of the border, which Thomas said would cost $10 million a year for five years.

The majority of the land along Arizona’s 376-mile border with Mexico is controlled by the federal government and Native American reservations, primarily the Tohono O’odham Nation. Thomas said fencing along the border is the ideal scenario, but acknowledged that he may not be able to get federal and tribal permission to put fencing on the land they control.

If he can’t get permission, Thomas said he would use a “fallback line,” which would fence off areas further north, along the border with federal and tribal land.

* * *

In some areas, the fence would actually be about 200 miles north of the Mexican border. Thomas said checkpoints would monitor road traffic through the fenced-off area.

Thomas denied that his fallback line would wall off a substantial chunk of southern Arizona.

For those of us living in the free Republic of Baja Arizona, this is the true purpose of our colonial overlords in the state of Maricopa. Give us our independence now — freedom!

“They’ll be able to get through, through roads,” he said. “If you’ve driven along the border, there already are checkpoints. So really what you’re doing is to the extent that we have to move farther north, that’s what we’d be doing.”

Did you catch that? Those of us living in the free Republic of Baja Arizona will have to go through checkpoints, and be treated as suspect undocumented aliens by our colonial overlords in the state of Maricopa. Unlike residents of the state of Maricopa, Baja Arizonans already have to live with checkpoints now in the border region.

I have a better idea. Almost two-thirds of Arizona’s population and voters live in Maricopa County. It is the voters of Maricopa County who are directly responsible for giving us Crazy Uncle Joe Arpaio, disgraced and recalled former state senator Russell Pearce, and disgraced and disbarred former Maricopa County Attorney Andrew Thomas, and the politically corrupt and ineffective state government that we all suffer under today. It would be far cheaper to build a “quarantine” fence around the state of Maricopa to contain “the crazy” and keep Maricopans from leaving and infecting the rest of the state with their insanity, rather than fencing out the free Republic of Baja Arizona. It would be “a hole” in the middle of Arizona, or just “A-Holes” for short. (h/t Paul Eckerstrom).

But wait, there’s more! Guess how “Saint” Andrew Thomas wants to pay for his bit of craziness? He wants to take the money from you moochers and takers in the 47%:

Thomas said he would pay for his plan primarily through welfare reform that he said would drastically cut down on the number or social service recipients. He unveiled his plan at Edison Park in Phoenix, across the street from a welfare office, to highlight the point.

He said he would impose community service requirements on recipients of food stamps, Medicaid and other social services. Recipients would be required to provide community service for one weekend a month and two weeks per year.

He said he would also ask the Legislature to pass legislation similar to HB2367, a 2014 bill that would have sought federal permission to impose a five-year cap on Arizona Health Care Cost Containment System benefits and require all able-bodied enrollees to have employment. Gov. Jan Brewer vetoed the bill.

Thomas said such requirements would save the state $150 million a year and cut 141,000 people from the Medicaid rolls.

The problem with that plan is that HB2367 would not have actually imposed those requirements. It would have only required the AHCCCS director to seek federal approval for those limits. The U.S. Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services have historically refused such requests from states. [Doh!]

However, Thomas had a backup plan for his funding source. If he couldn’t fund the Patton Line through welfare reform, he said he would ask the voters to approve funding, possibly by reallocating other voter-mandated funding from previous elections.

Translation: remember those voter approved citizens initiatives to pay for such things like clean elections, education and improved access to health care? Yeah, this genius  wants to ask you to reassign those dedicated funds to building his “fixed monument to the stupidity of man.”

“If all else fails, I am prepared to go to the voters with a special election and ask them to approve the necessary funding,” he said.

Well let’s vote right now, shall we? Show of hands, how many of you think that Andrew Thomas is totally effin’ insane and needs to be in a padded cell under observation for his own safety? It’s unanimous. Just what I thought.