A Halloween Story

Posted by AzBlueMeanie:

From the Arizona Daily Star's David Fitzsimmons. On Halloween, watch for chupacabras:

Break out the campfire marshmallows! Here is a Halloween story for the kids:

After a healthy breakfast of scorpions, Gov. Jan Brewer donned her wicked witch of the Southwest hat and fired up her crystal ball. Spying the Independent Redistricting Commission drawing a competitive map for the voters, she cackled, "I'll get you, my pretties, and your little dogs, too!"

Standing on the parapet of her grim castle, she waved her hands out over the state, calling on her winged monkeys in the Senate to oust the offending commission members. "Fair races in this state? I wouldn't hear of it. Why my little party's just beginning." The sky filled with flying simians wearing spurs and bola ties.

The voters of Arizona created the independent commission to draw our congressional districts because letting our elected munchkins draw the maps was disastrous. Upon hearing this, the wicked witch of the Southwest cried "Oh, what a world!" And "What a world!" she howled when her winkies cornered the commission members.

"Helping democracy along, are you? Stay away from our hold on this state, or I'll stuff a mattress with you! And you, I'll make you into a beehive. Here, Colleen Mathis, want to play ball?" She tossed a ball of fire at the horrified commission members. Waving her broomstick, she circled them.

She snarled, "Your proposed congressional maps are too competitive, just no fun, and I say they're unconstitutional!"

And the voters, knowing she was all wet, recalled the witch and every last one of her winged monkeys. "You cursed brats! Look what you've done! I'm melting! melting! Oh, what a world! What a world! Who would have thought a good little state like you could destroy my beautiful power-hungry wickedness?"

The End.