An Old Joke

Stop me if you’ve heard this one.

Democrat leadership goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, it hurts when I do this.”\.

And the doctor screams, “Oh god, why are you doing that? Please stop! Oh god, my eyes”!

Haha! It’s funny because it’s true!

MAGA stands for small, limited constitutional government. It’s a moist, steaming pile of happy horseshit, but that’s beside the point.

What one sentence describes Democrats?

Yeah. Ouch.

To confuse us even more, Dems are openly moving to the right?

To start a successful business find a need and fill it. Who is asking for Republican Lite?

Being Republican Lite is like saying that Satan guy is a bit much, but check out that Mephistopheles fella!

Recently, Congressional Dem Lady Elissa Slotkin referenced Ronald Reagan, the guy who jump-started this nightmare.

California Governor Dude Gavin Newsom, total smokeshow, so dreamy, but miscast here as an actual human being, started a podcast to find common ground with folks like Charlie Kirk and Steve Bannon.

Bannon, the OG J6 guy, wants Americans to murder each other in a bloody civil war to create a Catholic Dictatorship. Kirk Lies for the Lord from his tiny face on his giant head and wants to teach your children to be obedient little White Supremacists.

Republicans lose an election and their consultants are “disappeared”. Dems lose an election and go for walks in the Chappaqua woods for pondering time.

Need the youth vote? Visit a comments section where youths gather and oh my, they really, really hate Boomers, they say we stole their future. They can’t get decent jobs and will never own a home.

They see gray hairs living well and they openly say they’re starting to doubt democracy.

They are losing faith in democracy. Hit the panic button and hold it down!

Not to be that guy….but, fuck it, I am that guy, Bernie warned us about billionaires stealing the country and how many billionaires are in convicted rapist Trump’s cabinet right now?

Elon Musk, the world’s richest man, is literally taking food from children and medicine from grandma.

Now, easy, before we continue, I am NOT saying Dem corruption is anywhere near Republican corruption.

But Schumer, Pelosi, The Clinton’s, etc., etc., all made millions doing what now?

Legal corruption = corruption. And how do we talk about Trump’s sexual assault conviction if Dems keep wheeling out Bill Clinton? Gross.

Trump is a symptom, Corporate Dems are the problem.

Hold for applause…

So Sharpie, Jedi Level Troller of Kavanagh’s, Offender of Pretty Much Everyone, how can Dems get their heads out of their orifices and into elected offices?

If only there were examples we could model? Someone whose policies were so popular they amended the Constitution just so we couldn’t vote for his ghost?

Like that FDR guy, the guy historians agree was our Greatest POTUS?

Or someone who is currently drawing big crowds and may actually be FDR’s ghost?

That guy historians already say would have won in 2016?

If you’re a CEO, a banker, or a Democrat fundraiser I apologize for not giving a trigger warning before invoking FDR and Bernie Sanders (now with added AOC!), that’s on me.

I’m NOT saying put Sanders on the ticket, that moment passed, and of course we can’t run The Ghost of FDR.

I mean, I suppose we could run FDR’s ghost, but speaking for myself, I’m just too lazy to learn all the Latin it takes to do a proper conjuring, and you do not want to half-ass those things.

That’s how you make Charlie Kirk’s.

I’m talking about policies. FDR’s policies are what I always thought Dems were all about. Jobs, fair pay, freedom from unfair business practices, decent housing and healthcare, Social Security, education.

Dems may say that’s still the platform, but their office visitor logs filled with lobbyists and campaign coffers filled with corporate cash say something different.

So here’s the winning plan:

Stop taking corporate money, fire the consultants and corrupt gray and blue hairs, and be Democrats again.

Make it clear the party’s are NOT the same.

It will take some time to win back trust. But it’s the right thing to do.

The Koch’s started their anti-democracy crusade in 1980 and it’s been paying off for them ever since.

Never back down.

MAGA will crash and burn, and if Dems can manage to squeeze their heads out of their prison wallets, they can make gains in 2026.

History says once they have their jobs back they’ll go back to being corporate Dems, because cha-ching $$$, leaving the country yet again moved a little more right.

And the younger generations will see nothing has really changed.

So don’t do that.

Finally, I know, and I agree, I should get some of those sweet consultant millions for saving America. Send cash, I don’t Venmo, I work in tech so I’m not naive enough to trust Silicon Valley with my money.

And while I have your attention, adopt as many rescue dogs or cats as you can, because pets are proven to help you live a longer, healthier life, and they’re the stress relievers we all need for the next few years.

Plus a good watchdog will give you enough warning to get out the backdoor when the Brownshirts come knocking.

Thanks for reading.

*Apologies to Henny Youngman for stealing his joke.