Atrios’ Wankers of the Decade List

Posted by AzBlueMeanie:

Atrios at the Eschaton blog has been posting his list of "Wankers of the Eschaton Decade." On Tuesday, he will announce his top pick. At Long Last My Personal Nightmare Is Almost Over:

Tomorrow, on the 10th year anniversary of the suckiest blog of all, ESCHATON, the Wanker of the Decade will be announced.

As I've already said, the selection process wasn't exactly scientific, but I'll also give some thoughts about why some seemingly obvious candidates didn't quite make the cut.

Here is Atrios' list so far:

9th runner up Megan McArdle.

8th runner up Richard Cohen.

7th runner up Diane Sawyer.

6th runner up Jonah Goldberg.

5th runner up 'Lord' Will Saletan.

4th runner up Mark Halperin.

3rd runner up Joe Klein.

2nd runner up Andrew Sullivan.

And today's 1st runner up Fred Hyatt:

As editorial page editor of the Washington Post, Fred Hiatt has presided over what is perhaps the world's greatest gaggle of wankers. Fred's a true wanker connoissuer, a collector of fine wankers. Whenever a new wanker appears on the market, Fred is there, ready to outbid all rivals at the auction. His ever expanding menagerie of wankers forms the Rogue's Gallery of DC, perpetually frustrating the poor inadqequate scribes at DC comics. Is there a supervillain more inspired than Charles Krauthammer? Move aside, Darkseid. The people who populate his crayon scribble page could easily fill a Wanker of the Decade list all on their own, though we should not forget that Fred manages to produce some quality wanks on his own or through the disembodied, though sadly not disemvowelled, voice of The Editors.

Some years back I had a wee epiphany when I realized that, for the most part, we aren't supposed to to read the WaPo editorial page. It isn't actually for us. It's a means for certain elites to send messages to each other, a way for the "Gang Of 500" to take their battles public, to signal their interests and priorities.

If you're good enough, smart enough, and, doggone it, Fred Hiatt thinks you're important, there's no limit to the amount of bullshit you can have blessed by him. On his page is where the Washington Consensus is defended daily, truth be damned.

Krauthammer. Broder. Hoagland. Kristol. Novak. Cohen. Lane. Cupp. Thiessen. Kurtz. Samuelson. Diehl. Kelly. Noonan. Will. Ignatius. Parker. Marcus. Milbank. Gerson.

Some of these people are no longer with us, and I have no idea which ones Hiatt is really responsible for, but I'm a lazy blogger so I'll just throw them all in his column. Imagine assembling this collection of horrors, and being proud of it.

[A]side from amassing the greatest collection of wankers in human history, Fred's own contributions to wanking cannot be overlooked. He's even a wanker on issues only I seem to care about. Perhaps more importantly, there's rarely a problem that can't be solved by killing people somewhere or impoverishing your granny. Might makes right, bitches!

* * *

It's an award for individual achievement in wanking, and an award for the highest achievement in group wanking. Congratulations, Fred!

So if Fred Hyatt and "the greatest collection of wankers in human history" are winners of the award for "the highest achievement in group wanking," what does this say about all the newspapers in this country that subscribe to WaPo's syndicated columnists wankers, including The Arizona Republic and the Arizona Daily Star? Why are we being subjected to these wankers on an almost daily basis? Can't we do better than this?

I don't see any of the FAUX News Fraudcasting stable of wankers on Atrios' list. Hmmm… Roger Ailes and Rupert Murdoch have certainly earned the number one spot. We'll see.