Can You Smell What The Trump is Cooking? Smells Like… New Year’s Desperation?

I continue to allow the Cheeto Mussolini to email me periodically because it is amusing to me to watch the various angles and pitches he uses to get his marks to continue to pump cash into his pocket.  The pitch is reaching dengue fever levels of desperation – and I love it.

It occurred to me that there may not be a lot of readers who are running the same surveillance and so might not have seen such a pitch recently, if ever. For your horror, amazement, and entirely-understandable schadenfreude, I present the latest pitch email:

LAST CALL: SUBMIT YOUR FINAL DONATION OF 2022 >> LAST CALL: SUBMIT YOUR FINAL DONATION OF 2022 >> LAST CALL: SUBMIT YOUR FINAL DONATION OF 2022 >> Friend, This is your FINAL CHANCE.  2022 is almost over, and I have never needed your support as much as I do RIGHT NOW. The radical Left has set our Nation on the path of DESTRUCTION. With dangerous borders, skyrocketing inflation, and limited freedom, we must defend AMERICA from those who want to see it crumble. Friend, in 2023, we must focus on: Bolstering OUR 2024 CAMPAIGN. Standing against the radical Left. Making America Great Again. AGAIN. I am calling on YOU to rush in one final donation in 2022. Your prompt support is PIVOTAL, so I need you to please step up NOW. Please contribute ANY AMOUNT IMMEDIATELY to make a final donation in 2022 and help me SAVE AMERICA. >> PATRIOT: mbryan@gmail.com TOTAL CONTRIBUTIONS: PENDING SUGGESTED CONTRIBUTION: $5 DEADLINE: IMMEDIATELYCONTRIBUTE NOW >> CONTRIBUTE $20 >> CONTRIBUTE $15 >>CONTRIBUTE $10 >> CONTRIBUTE $5 >> CONTRIBUTE ANY AMOUNT >> Everything is on the line. If we want to stop Joe Biden’s corruption and SAVE AMERICA, I need YOU to rush in your support before it’s too late. This is your FINAL CHANCE to help us end 2022 on a STRONG NOTE and propel our 2024 Campaign into success. Don’t let me down. HURRY and give ANY AMOUNT RIGHT NOW to make one more donation this year. Thank you, Donald J. Trump

Don’t ask me why it is WRITTEN and SPACED and ILLUSTRATED in this entirely childish, BOLD, and decidedly shabby chic style. I assume they’ve done TONS of A/B testing and this schlocky look works for them. I especially love the little thumbnail with the sig line: makes him look like a squinty thumb suffering congestive heart failure.

The only thing REALLY surprising to me is that he isn’t touting a DONATION MATCH! Almost every fundraising pitch he sends out features an increasingly unlikely level of donation match (I recent saw one with a 9X DONATION MATCH, if you ACT NOW!). I’m not sure why they aren’t pulling that particular hussle with this email. I absolutely would have gone with a 24X MATCH! Theories welcome.

The entire operation is run through the donor file at WinRed, so this isn’t actually a low-tech amatuer operation, despite the similarity to emails you might see from a city counsel or school board race. Trump is purposefully keeping it simple and dorky looking. Trump could have the slickest market imaginable, but he chooses instead to make it look humble and homemade. Kind of adorkably fascy.

And URGENT, so urgently urgent: you wouldn’t think that the beginning of the ’24 primary season begins a full year from now in January of 2024 with the Iowa caucuses. Which, incidentally, we Democrats may not see too much about this cycle, having moved South Carolina to pole position. It is possible that the DNC could even strip Iowa of delegates if they insist on moving Iowa ahead of South Carolina, as required by Iowa state law – which the Republican majority in the Iowa Lege are in no hurry to help resolve… Oi! Let’s just say, Iowans are NOT happy about it…