Clinton Went and Won Pennsylvania, and All I Got Was this Obama T Shirt

by David Safier

Your roving correspondent returns to Tucson, unbloodied and unbowed. Actually, I had a great time. It was almost perfect, give or take a few percentage points.

So now it’s back to the education beat. Let’s see, what’s happened since I was gone? I hear:

• Russell Pearce wants a law that says all teachers must wear flag lapel pins, pledge allegiance to the Republican States of America, and check with him before they make any statements about the U.S., unless the statement is, “Looks like Pearce got it right again!”

• When the ELL funding bill came to Janet’s desk, she said, “What bill? Do you see any bill? I don’t see any bill.”

• No Child Left Behind will be changed to say that, any public school that has drop outs will declare itself a failure and give all its money to private schools.

• Tom Horne plans to go all the way to the Supreme Court to push the idea that people who know how to say anything in Spanish other than “Cerveza” and “Donde esta el baño” will have to apologize publicly and commit an entire Berlitz English course to memory before a single dollar of state funds will be used to help them learn English.

I may not have all the details right. I have some catching up to do.