First “Corporate Person” Runs for Political Office

Posted by AzBlueMeanie:

It was bound to happen. The logical extension of the U.S. Supreme Court decision in Citizens United v. FEC is the First "Corporate Person" Runs for Political Office — YES! Magazine:

Taking the implications of Citizens United to their logical extreme, a Washington, D.C.-based firm, Murray Hill Incorporated, has announced that it is running for Congress in Maryland’s 8th Congressional District.

“Until now,” the company said in a statement, “corporate interests had to rely on campaign contributions and influence peddling to achieve their goals in Washington. But thanks to an enlightened Supreme Court, now we can eliminate the middle-man and run for office ourselves.”

In a campaign video posted on YouTube, Murray Hill Inc. tries out campaign slogans like, “The best democracy money can buy,” “Democracy’s next step,” and “The way we see it, corporate America has been the driving force behind Congress for years. But now it’s time we got behind the wheel ourselves.”

Eric Hensal, a former union organizer and current managing partner with Murray Hill Inc. (which, when not running for office, offers consulting services to organizations like the National Resources Defense Council and the Association of Construction Professionals) has volunteered to be the campaign’s “designated human.” Since corporations can’t sign paperwork or register to vote, Hensal will perform what the company calls “antiquated ‘human only’ procedures.”

“We want to get in on the ground floor of the democracy market before the whole store is bought by China,” said Hensal in a statement released by the "campaign."

William Klein, a political consultant and writer whose headlines on Huffington Post read like they ought to be on the Onion ("The Only Solution to Airport Security—Fly Naked!"), is the campaign's manager. Klein says he plans to use robo-calls and Astroturf methods to spread the campaign's message: that Murray Hill Inc., as a fair-minded corporate representative, pledges to always "put people second."