Golly! Which Country Will Trump Invade Next?

Now that Trump has completed his transmogrification into TrumPutin, the Unlawful States of America can stage a coup d’état in any nation in the world, provided that four conditions are met.

1. Simply have our obedient DOJ indict the leader on drug trafficking, corruption and insolence in New York federal court, and whatever.
2. The country must have an authoritarian leader so that the United Snakes can say on social media that we’re running the country on behalf of the locals (wink, wink).
3. The country must have something worth stealing, like Venezuela’s oil.
4. It should cost $1 Billion and change, which is what Operation Southern Spear has cost since last August. This should be no problem – just close schools, cancel more health benefits and balloon the national debt.

Also, just ignore the U.S. senators who object. “There is no justification for the United States to be at war with Venezuela,” Senator Ruben Gallego said. “The American people did not ask for this, Congress did not authorize this, and our service members should not be sent into harm’s way for another unnecessary conflict.”

So here is a map of Trumputin’s potential targets for domination:

• USA  – Got ‘er done in 2024.
• Saudi Arabia – Absolute monarchy with about 270 billion barrels of proven oil reserves.​ They never gave Trump a golden jet; it’s an Islamic country, and it’s 95% sand. But there’s great shopping at the Mall of Arabia in Jeddah.
• Iran – A Theocratic authoritarian regime with over 200 billion barrels of proven reserves.​ This is a work in progress after the U.S. made two holes into a mountain there on June 22. It’s weak with protests that have reached over 170 locations in 25 of Iran’s 31 provinces.
• Russia – Authoritarian regime with about 80 billion barrels of oil reserves.​ Russia is also feeble, having lost 1.2 million soldiers in Ukraine. It’s broke, with the war costing $1.69 trillion over 6 years, a loss of over 92% of its projected gross domestic product. Plus: the dictator is bald.
• Iraq – Strongly authoritarian system with around 140–150 billion barrels.​ Nah – been there, done that.
• United Arab Emirates – Hereditary rulers with roughly 100–110 billion barrels.​ It’s also Islamic, and you can’t have alcohol, and it’s as hot as Phoenix. But it also has the world’s fastest roller coaster at Ferrari World in Abu Dhabi.

Putin set a great precedent for the U.S. by invading Ukraine because it’s supposedly got “Nazis.” But the real motive is regime change — a pro-Russian leader was overthrown in 2014, but Zelenskyy hates Russia. This makes Russia an even more attractive country to run.

Overcoming three bothersome legal obstacles

Unfortunately, the U.S. has a legal system, and Democrats are using it to complain. There are arguments against world domination:

1. It’s unconstitutional. Trump has pretended that the U.S. is somehow under imminent attack from Venezuelan drug traffickers. This “self-defense” argument only works when a dictator, like Manuel Noriega in Panama, declared in 1989 that it was in a “state of war” with the U.S. Venezuela never did any of this. The problem is that Maduro is a criminal case, which doesn’t justify a $1 Billion military attack. Also, Congress never authorized the war.
2. It’s illegal under international law. It violates the U.N. Charter, which, under Article 2, requires all members to “refrain in their international relations from the threat or use of force against the territorial integrity or political independence of any state.”
3. Maduro has immunity. Sitting heads of state have absolute immunity from foreign courts (criminal and civil) while in office, including inviolability (no arrest/detention). This is in accordance with customary international law, rooted in principles of state sovereignty. The problem is that this principle works both ways – depose my leader, and we have the right to depose yours.

Top 10 worst dictators overthrown

The problem for Trumputin is that a lot of dictators get overthrown. Compare King Donald to the following top 10 list of deposed tyrants:

• Omar al‑Bashir (Sudan, ousted 2019) – Charged by the International Criminal Court with genocide, crimes against humanity, and war crimes for the Darfur campaign targeting Fur, Masalit, and Zaghawa communities.​
• Muammar Gaddafi (Libya, overthrown 2011) – Ran a repressive police state for over 40 years, responsible for massacres such as the 1996 Abu Salim prison killing and widespread torture, disappearances, and indiscriminate attacks on civilians.​
• Saddam Hussein (Iraq, overthrown 2003) – Oversaw mass killings and genocidal campaigns such as the Anfal operations against Kurds, used chemical weapons, and waged devastating wars against Iran and Kuwait.​
• Bashar al‑Assad (Syria, effective loss of power 2020s) – His regime’s response to the 2011 uprising involved large‑scale bombardment of civilian areas, torture, and alleged chemical‑weapons attacks, producing one of the century’s worst humanitarian disasters.​
• Charles Taylor (Liberia, forced out 2003) – Backed brutal civil wars in Liberia and Sierra Leone, with campaigns of mutilation, rape, and child‑soldier recruitment that led to his conviction for war crimes and crimes against humanity.​
• Slobodan Milošević (Serbia/Yugoslavia, ousted 2000) – Central figure in the Yugoslav wars marked by ethnic cleansing, mass killings, and systematic atrocities in Bosnia, Croatia, and Kosovo; tried in The Hague for war crimes.​
• Suharto (Indonesia, resigned 1998) – Came to power after mass killings in the mid-1960s and presided over decades of repression, including large-scale abuses in East Timor.​
• Robert Mugabe (Zimbabwe, removed 2017) – Long rule associated with state violence, massacres such as Gukurahundi in the 1980s, and later violent land seizures and repression contributing to economic collapse and humanitarian crisis.​
• Omar al‑Bashir’s security ally networks (Darfur militia leadership) – Though not separate heads of state, Janjaweed and related commanders under his rule carried out mass rapes, village burnings, and executions that underpin the genocide charges.​
• Yahya Jammeh (Gambia, forced out 2017) – Ran a highly abusive security state with torture, enforced disappearances, and killings of opponents, documented in detail by later truth‑commission findings.​

U.S. citizens can only hope.