Radioactive satire wars rage in Tucson. Everybody wins

by David Safier

If you haven't done so already, just read Tom Danehy's column in the Weekly: Five years from now, a student writes a letter. Learn about the Al Melvin Secular Charter School, where:

. . . we don't need electric lights in the classrooms, because the glow coming off the walls makes everything nice and bright. A couple of do-gooders complained, but some Republican woman from Phoenix sent us a letter saying that everything is safe. When a reporter asked her why she didn't come in person, she mumbled something about still being in her childbearing years, whatever that means.

Learn the accepted school definition of "socialist." And then there's the banner proclaiming: "Arizona's Schools. The Best Schools in All of Arizona."

Who knew Danehy could sustain this level of satire for an entire column? I guess he did.

Not to be outdone, Fitz, our Satirist-in-chief, intersperses radioactive satire in today's column including these news clips from 2016 and 2017:

2016: Legislature legalizes possession of nuclear weapons with permit, training. . . .

2017: Concealed nuclear weapons without permit OK'd. Legislature approves nuclear weapons in bars and day-care facilities. . . . Nuclear exchange at Tempe bar wipes out Phoenix. Survivors crowd into Biosphere.

Good times for satire. So many targets. So few column inches.