by David Safier
[JUST-MAKING-SURE NOTE: You understand this is satire, right?]
From Andy Borowitz at the New Yorker:
Fox: New Evidence Hillary Killed Lincoln
By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker
13 May 13
In what may be the most serious allegation ever made against the former Secretary of State, Fox News Channel reported today that Hillary Clinton was involved in the conspiracy to murder President Abraham Lincoln.
The latest charge against Mrs. Clinton was reported by Fox host Sean Hannity, who said that the evidence of her role in the Lincoln assassination came mainly in the form of e-mails.
According to Mr. Hannity, "If it's true that Hillary Clinton killed Lincoln, this could have a major impact on her chances in 2016."
The accusation against Mrs. Clinton drew a strong response from Sen. Lindsey Graham (R.-S. Carolina): "There's been a concerted effort by Hillary Clinton to cover up her role in President Lincoln's murder. She has said nothing about it. This is bigger than Watergate, the Cuban missile crisis, and the Second World War put together."
Responding to the allegation, Mrs. Clinton issued a terse statement indicating that she could not have participated in Lincoln's assassination because she was born in 1947.
"That's what she wants us to believe," Sen. Graham said.