‘Survivor – GOP Presidential Primary’ : The elimination rounds

Posted by AzBlueMeanie:

Former Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty "of nuthin'" was voted off the island after the pilot episode. The man was so boring the producers decided he was a ratings killer.

The performance artist formerly known as Herman Cain was voted off the island by his pissed off wife. The "Herminator" was too much of a ladies man it turned out. Late night comics wept. Cain was pure comedy gold.

Now we are entering the elimination rounds of "Survivor – GOP Presidential Primary." The "B Team" is about to be eliminated.

The Iowa Caucus will spell Waterloo for the Minnesota Loon, Michele Bachmann, who ironically is from Waterloo, Iowa. Buh-Bye. Bachmann will withdraw by the end of the week. Bad news, lady — they don't want you back in Minnesota either.

"Newt-mentum!" met with the cold hard light of day. The GOP woke up next to Newt and said "Oh my God! How much did I have to drink last night? Who is this man and what is he doing in my bed?" The GOP's walk of shame may spell the end of Newt Gingrich who is deep in debt after a spectacular shooting star flame-out. It's possible he could decide to hang in to South Carolina, but I doubt it after his tearful "the voters just don't appreciate me for my beautiful mind the way I do" moment this week. Don't worry. Newt will be back on his revisionist history book tours and back pontificating at his regular gig on FAUX News Fraudcasting before the end of the month.

This leaves dumber-than-a-fence-post Governor Goodhair Rick Perry and Rick "man on dog" Santorum ("don't Google my name, PLEASE don't Google my name!") in a coin flip for the end-times Christian Reconstructionist and Domionionist voters of Iowa. Both men claimed that God called him to run for president — one of them got a prank call. That God, he is such a kidder.

If Santorum finishes third, he may be able to move on to South Carolina, but without any ability to raise money to hang in past the Palmetto state. If he does not, he will likely join Bachmann by the end of the week. Governor Goodhair has enough money to hang in to South Carolina regardless of how he finishes in Iowa before he finally says "I don't need this kind of abuse! I'm going back to Texas to spend some time at niggerhead ranch."

Which brings us to the Beltway media's favorite clown, Ron Paul. The media has finally woke up to the fact that their funny little man ain't so funny on close inspection. He is a racist, misogynist, homophobe, World Net Daily conspiracy theory loving John Bircher. This twisted little troll cult figure will stick it out to the bitter end. He has no illusions about ever becoming the GOP nominee. He is only interested in milking his clueless cult followers out of their money.

The last man standing will be the shameless shapeshifter Willard "Mittens" Romney who has bragged that he will do anything and say anything to win the nomination. As Steve Benen critically noted:

Romney and his team have demonstrated a willingness to lie — blatantly and shamelessly — with discomforting ease. We’ve seen this in offensive campaign ads, routine talking points, policy arguments, and even personal anecdotes and characteristics.

And when pressed, Romney and his aides have freely admitted, more than once, that niceties such as facts, evidence, and reason just aren’t that important to them. Dishonest “propaganda” should simply be expected and accepted, they’ve said.

Romney has a ceiling of around 25% of support in Iowa, which is less than he had in 2008 when he lost to Gov. Pastor Mike Huckabee. It means that 75% of GOP voters don't like Mittens — it's like being told that they have to go to their high school prom with their creepy cousin. There is a serious lack of enthusiasm for Mittens. Tea-Publicans are never going to love Mittens. This is a loveless marriage being arranged by the GOP establishment. It is only a matter of time before the Tea Party snaps and demands a divorce from the GOP establishment. Can you spell "i-m-p-l-o-s-i-o-n"?

Since the shameless shapeshifter Willard "Mittens" Romney has taken every possible position on every issue, often twisting himself into a pretzel in the same answer, he will soon be left to debate himself.

h/t Daily Kos (Orig. photo: Pool/Reuters)

Which brings me to the post-Iowa "Survivor – GOP Presidential Primary" debate schedule.

The ABC News-WMUR debate will be held on Saturday, January 7 at 9 p.m. ET. ABC’s Diane Sawyer and George Stephanopoulos, who stunk up the joint the last time they moderated a debate, will moderate again, joined by WMUR anchor Josh McElveen. Maybe he can save these D.C. media villagers from themselves.

The NBC News/Facebook Debate (cohosted by the Manchester Union Leader) is on "Meet the Press," moderated by David Gregory. It will be televised on the Sunday before the New Hampshire primary in the Chubb Theatre at the Capitol Center for the Arts in Concord, N.H. It will air on NBC as a special edition of "Meet the Press," and will stream live on Facebook. The debate will also air on MSNBC and NECN. Check your local listings.

The elimination round will move to South Carolina on January 16 and 19. I will update, as necessary, after New Hampshire.