The Many Benefits of MAGA!

Enough already!

America is going to be awesome!

Party sideways with your hair on fire level awesome!

Guy Fieri level awesome!

For starters, the child rapist in the Oval Office put a worm brained heroin junkie pants on fire guy in charge of all our doctor stuff, and his policies are already bringing back deadly childhood and adult diseases.

BENEFIT ONE – while deporting the people who pick our tomatoes may seem bad, there will also be less need for tomatoes, because of all the dead folks not ordering tomato based dishes!

Economists call that “The Invisible Hand of the Market”.

Economists also call people dying from corporate greed “externalities”, so fuck economists.

Next, I know deporting hardworking tax paying folks who clean hotel rooms and work in the kitchen at restaurants seems like it would be a problem for the business travel and tourist industries, but more great news!

Tourism is down because people don’t want to visit the USA and spend money on a return plane ticket they will never use because they’re in a torture camp in South America because some ICE asshole overheard them using the metric system!

And since we’re about to see a huge tariff fueled spike in unemployment, there will also be less need for business travel!

BENEFIT TWO – We won’t need as many nice ladies knocking on our hotel room doors in the morning while we’re sleeping off last night’s expense account visit to “Les Girls”… I mean, “client meeting”.

BENEFIT THREE – JD Vance says all us dudes are getting our own uneducated, barefoot, pre-impregnated (thanks Elon!) trad-wives for our kitchens, so we’ll have home cooked meals and won’t need to eat out anymore!

One downside, since they are good Christian trad-wives, we really won’t be “eating out” anymore. 🙁

Shit, that’s a double-entendre, a foreign language…now I’m prolly on some ICE list but the dirty joke was worth it!

Fuck immigration! Je ne regrette rien!

Moving on, deporting millions of people means millions of houses and apartments will now be on the market, dragging the value of your home into a downward spiral, and vacant homes and blight will…

BENEFIT FOUR – actually, I got no spin on real estate, we’re boned on that one. And those local mercado’s that support those neighborhoods will have less customers, so those will go under, too.

Oh, found it!

BENEFIT FIVE – Real estate tanks so bailouts for the banks!

I found the spin it’s the banks for the win!

Banks always win.

BENEFIT SIX – Pedopotus Wrecks is too old to rape children anymore so he’s already made kids safer!

Promise made, promise kept!

ONE SAD NOTE – Don the Rapist will die soon (that’s not the sad part) and the Fifty Shades of Gray Couch Cushions guy will take over and usher us into Techno-Feudalism with his pal the Self Hating Gay Vampire Peter Thiel, and trust me, that’s going to make you so, so much miss late stage capitalism.

Like how Trump/Vance make us miss Bush/Cheney!

Republicans, ain’t they incorrigible in just the cutest way?

BENEFIT SEVEN – Your kids seeing their friends moms and dads kidnapped by armed, masked men from their elementary school means they’ll worry less about school shooters!

Instead, they’ll have nightmares about La Migra taking away daddy and mommy!

I would tell them, not your biggest problem, junior, less kids in your class means the ratio of school shooter bullets to you just took a turn!

God, kids are such babies!

TL:DR – Laugh about how stupid and evil this shit is now, because shit this stupid and evil will fuck up your mental health, but be merciless when dealing with the GOP and corporate Dems come Election Day.

Especially in the primaries.

If a Dem talks about reaching across the aisle, ask them to show you how, and when they hold out their arm, cut off their fucking hand.

Figuratively, of course. With your ballot.

Thank you for your attention to this matter, and, while all we wait for our dystopian Trump Branded future, how about adopting a rescue dog or cat?

It’s a FACT that all rescue dogs and cats voted for Kamala because they’re all very good boys and girls.