Unintended Consequences

By Michael Bryan

On Friday night you
decide to drive to the grocery store to get some arugula for your dinner
salad. Your spouse was supposed to buy some at AJ’s while shopping
yesterday, but it got left off the list and the damn salad just doesn’t
work without a bitter green base. So you get in the car in a bit of a
huff and off you go to Trader Joe’s.

You speed just a bit more than normal:
you are traveling at 52 in a 40 MPH zone. You groan as you notice the
patrol car’s emergency lights in your rear-view mirror and pull into the
nearest parking. You get out your wallet and your packet of
registration and insurance information, roll down your window and put
your hands in view on the steering wheel as you have learned makes
police officers most comfortable during traffic stops.

“Do you know why I
stopped you?”

“I
was going a bit fast, I’m afraid, Officer.”

“Can I see your
license, insurance and registration, please.”

“Of course, Officer.”

You shovel over your
papers and sink into the seat with a groan as the officer heads back to
his patrol vehicle to write you a speeding ticket. What a goddamn
inconvenience! It’s not like you were endangering anyone. Now you are
looking at a fine or one of those bloody-stupid classes. You are deeply
annoyed, but resolve to try to not take it out on the officer: he’s just
doing his job.

The
officer comes back to your side window and says, “Were you aware your
driver license is suspended?”

“What? My license is suspended? Since when?”

“It would appear that
you failed to respond to a red light camera violation and your license
was suspended.”

A
spasm of annoyance crosses your face. That’s what you get for taking
legal advice from your crazy brother-in-law. Due process violation,
my ass. “Just ignore it, they can’t do anything about it,’ my ass.
Dammit! I should have known better.

“I see. Am I going to get a ticket for that?”

“Actually, that is a
criminal violation and I will have to cite you for it, yes.”

You feel a little
chill down your spine at the word ‘criminal’. I’m going to have a
criminal record because of this bullshit? I’m going to kill my
brother-in-law!

“I understand officer.
I’m very sorry about this.”

“Could you step out of the car please?”

“Why?”

“Please exit the
vehicle.”

You are a little
annoyed, but decide not to make the officer’s day any harder. You step
out of the vehicle.

“Please
turn around. You are under arrest.”

“What? Really? Is that really
necessary, Officer?”

“Yes. I’m afraid I have to verify your
immigration status before releasing you, and cannot do so until tomorrow
morning at the earliest.”

You reluctantly turn around and you feel the
cold and weight of the officer’s cuffs as he fastens them around your
wrists. He nudges you toward his patrol vehicle.

“My immigration
status? What are you talking about? You have my drivers license. I’m a
U.S. citizen. I’m not even Hispanic! I have a Boston accent!”

“I’m sorry. Your
immigration status can only be verified by Immigration and Customs
Enforcement, and their liaison facility is closed for the evening. I
have to take you to jail until your status can be confirmed tomorrow.”

The officer opens the
rear door of his patrol vehicle and protects your head and he places you
in the rear seat.

“That’s
insane! Why would ICE have any record of me? I’ve never left the
country. I don’t even have a passport. Why can’t you just give me a
ticket?”

“Arizona’s statutes
now require all persons who are arrested to have their immigration
status verified before release. Any criminal violation now requires me
to verify the arrestee’s status.”

“But I thought the news said that my
Driver’s License was proof of my citizenship?”

“I’m afraid not. If I
suspected that you were in the country illegally but you hadn’t
committed any crime, I could accept your license as proof and let you
go. But if a person commits a crime and I arrest them, which includes
giving a person a criminal citation, then I have to verify your
immigration status through ICE, even if I believe you to be an American
and have no reason to suspect an immigration violation. Because I can’t
do that right now, I have to take you jail until we can verify your
status. Most likely ICE will just say they have no record of you, and
then we’ll release you.”

“You have to be kidding me.”

“Unfortunately not. Do
you need to make a call to have someone pick up your car or let your
family know what’s going on? Or maybe you want to call your state
legislators? You know, this sort of thing takes up an incredible amount of my time. You know how long it takes to process a prisoner into the county jail?”

“I guess I'm going to find out. I certainly would like to use the phone,
please.”

It dawns upon you that
you are collateral damage of the unreasoning frenzy to respond to
undocumented immigration with poorly drafted, draconian legislation. What would have
been a minor annoyance and perhaps a court appearance, has become a
major incident.

You
end up spending all weekend in jail because ICE wasn’t able to respond
to the request for any record of you until Monday afternoon.

Welcome to the GOP’s
vision for Arizona.