by David Safier

The Media Releases Daniel Scarpinato writes for House Republicans are fascinating and fun in so many ways. And this one, I have to say, is simply Scarp-ilicious.

First, there's the headline type size. It's 44 point. Most media release heads are 18 point. And it's all caps (most are caps and lower case). TWO-AND-A-HALF-TIMES BIGGER AND BETTER. RECORD BREAKING!!!

And then there's the headline itself:

ARIZONA TOOK BOLD ACTION IN RECORD TIME:
Lawmakers met historically difficult
challenges in just 100 days

Look how proud Daniel is of their accomplishment:

Lawmakers adjourned in 100 days – the shortest session in more than a decade. Only five times in the last 30 years have lawmakers finished so swiftly.

Yes, that's really what Arizona cares about: how fast Republicans can pass bills. You craft them behind closed doors (or have them pre-crafted by national conservative organizations), allow little discussion and hold quick votes with predetermined outcomes. Voila! Terrible legislation in record time! Democracy in action.

You can read the whole release after the jump, but first, let me pull out all the political cliches. It gets a bit repetitive, but every cliche deserves to be  heard, no matter how many times it's used. Prepare for the onslaught.

• the biggest challenges in the state’s history
• tackled some of the most complex challenges in the state’s history
• Closing a $1 billion budget shortfall
• reforming entitlements
• streamlining government
• creating jobs
• the centennial Legislature rose to the great challenges before us in a way that the legendary Arizona leaders who came before us would be proud of
• Rather than kick the can down the road
• balance the budget
• create jobs
• reform government and entitlements
• tough decisions that required bold action
• we rose to the challenge
• coming together and getting down to business
• fix our economy
• create jobs
• reign-in spending
• bold decisions
• brighter days for Arizona
• The voters sent us here to make tough decisions
• historic and comprehensive Jobs Bill. The largest permanent tax cut in Arizona history
• turn Arizona’s economy around
• diversify our economic base
• high-paying, high-quality jobs
• hard-working Arizonans
• passed a balanced budget
• instituted long-term spending reforms
• no new gimmicks, debt or borrowing
• major pension reform package
• protects the commitment we’ve made to our hard-working teachers, firemen and police officers
• ensuring our state pension system is solvent and sustainable
• stop the abuses we’ve seen in the system

I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted!

CLEVERNESS POINTS: You know how Republicans have been crowing about their gimmick-free budget, when it's actually riddled with gimmicks? The Scarp-ilicious turn of phrase is "no new gimmicks." I guess using the same old gimmicks everyone else used is making tough decisions and taking bold action and getting down to business and . . . you get the picture.

And I admire the Scarp-ic chutzpah: admitting the corporate tax cuts are "The largest permanent tax cut in Arizona history." Excuse me, did I say corporate tax cuts? I meant "historic and comprehensive Jobs Bill."

DR. WORD UPDATE: Dr. Word just noticed a "Scarp calling Dr. Freud" moment. He used the phrase "reign-in spending." The term is "reining in spending," as is, pulling back the reins to slow a horse down. Yes, Daniel, if it makes you feel bigger somehow, it's the Republican reign in Arizona right now, and you're the court jester  court reporter town crier.