By Michael Bryan
Today President Obama announced that pursuant to a secret executive order, six Republican-dominated states that have veto-proof majorities and the Governorship, including Arizona, Florida, Vermont, Texas, Alabama, and South Carolina, will be immediately placed in federal receivership. It is expected that a further twenty states with GOP controlled state governments will be placed in receivership by the end of next week.
The effect of Obama's secret executive order, which was apparently issued shortly after Obama taking office in 2009, will be to dissolve all state governmental authority within the targeted states. The Governors and state legislatures will be banned from meeting or conducting governmental business, and briefly held in federal detention pending final debriefing and liquidation. The President will then unilaterally appoint a Special Master to administer each state covered by the order.
The Special Master for Arizona will be Janet Napolitano, who will also retain her position as Homeland Security director. Said Napolitano at the press conference announcing the receivership, "I look forward to cleaning house in Arizona and putting right all the harm done in the three years since I left office in Arizona. Republicans had better go get their guns, because we are coming for them. We'll pry them from your cold dead fingers, if necessary."
Already, the DHS has begun distribution of the new rules under which Arizonans will live during the receivership. The pamphlet is entitled "Sharia Law and You". Napolitano announced that Muslim legal scholars from Iran would be flown in to act as ad visors to the new Special Master's administration.
On a personal note, I have to admit, it seems the Republicans were right. It seems that Obama was angling at dictatorship, domination, and the destruction of the American way of life, all along. What I ignorantly called their paranoid rantings were actually well-informed and accurate desciptions of the designs the President had on taking all power for himself and his cronies. I deeply apologize to my Republican brethren for my ignorance and lack of foresight.
Learn more about these surprising developments after the flip…
Happy April Fools' Day!
I look forward to seeing this on every batshit crazy right wing blog in a matter of hours. Cheers.
You realize this could be used as an IQ test for the Tea Party, right? (Shamelessly pandering to their deepest held fears, LOL). Nice job.
You do realize some wingnut believes every word of what you wrote, right?
Love the Obama picture, which must be how certain right-thinking folks envision the President.