Dateline 2.07.09 by AzBlueMeanie
(War correspondent AzBlueMeanie is embedded with the Freedom Fighters of the Arizona Democratic Resistance in the occupied state of Arizona. This dispatch is filed from an undisclosed location within the liberated territories of Baja Arizona)
The GOP 'Taliban' Insurgency seized control of the capitol city of Phoenix last month. The insurgents installed Mullah Jan Brewer as governor of Arizona in an attempt to consolidate their claim to be the legitimate government of the occupied state of Arizona. Few Arizonans in the territories have recognized the legitimacy of the GOP Taliban insurgency however, as the state of Arizona remains embroiled in a civil war in which the GOP Taliban insurgency does not exercise control over wide swaths of the state liberated by and under the control of the Freedom Fighters of the Arizona Democratic Resistance.
The actual organization of the secretive GOP Taliban insurgency is difficult to determine. Mullah Brewer is widely believed to be only a figurehead governor. The real power behind the GOP Taliban insurgency is reportedly the supreme council of ayatollahs known only as the Arizona Chamber of Commerce, led by the shadowy figure of Ayatollah Glenn Hamer. The supreme council of ayatollahs is known to possess its own shadowy secret police force, commonly referred to as lobbyists, who serve as enforcers for the supreme council of ayatollahs.
The supreme council of ayatollahs has established madrassas schools in Arizona which are used to indoctrinate insurgent recruits into the GOP Taliban ideology. Some of the madrassas schools have also branched out to establish a network of GOP Taliban propaganda media and have largely succeeded in seizing control over all radio, television and print media in the occupied state of Arizona. Among the better known of these madrassas schools are the Goldwater Institute, the Center for Arizona Policy, and the Arizona Federation of Taxpayers. The GOP Taliban media propaganda has attained near saturation level within the insurgent controlled media in the occupied state of Arizona. Arizonans now largely ignore the insurgent controlled media, which is failing financially from a steep loss in revenue due to Arizonans turning to free Arizona Democratic Resistance media (like this news service).
The GOP Taliban insurgents have yet to consolidate complete control over the capitol city of Phoenix, however. Mulllah Brewer has failed to establish her authority over marauding feudal warlords in the surrounding capitol city territory of Maricopa. GOP Taliban warlords such as Russell Pearce and Bob Burns, and their lower-level chieftans such as Joe Arpaio and Andrew Thomas continue to run amok in the Maricopa countryside and exercise autonomous control over their feudal subjects. The territory of Maricopa is a modern-day feudal state harkening back to the Middle Ages, as GOP Taliban warlord John Kavanagh recently reminded his feudal subjects.
The autonomous control of the warlords was self-evident recently when the GOP Taliban insurgents seized control of the state treasury shortly after installing Mullah Brewer as governor. GOP Taliban warlord Russell Pearce doled out money from the state treasury to his chieftan Joe Arpaio from funds previously set aside for the educational system of the state of Arizona, which now lies in ruin after being destroyed by the GOP Taliban insurgents. The GOP Taliban is opposed to all liberal arts and science education and will permit only fundamentalist religious instruction and indoctrination into their conservative ideology in its system of madrassas schools.
While recent events have been a setback for the Freedom Fighters of the Arizona Democratic Resistance, it remains in control of large swaths of the occupied state of Arizona. The Arizona Democratic Resistance is using the recent lull in fighting to regroup and to mount a spring offensive to consolidate its control over the territories it has already liberated. The success of the spring offensive may determine whether or not the Arizona Democratic Resistance has conslidated its power enough to mount a broader offensive against GOP Taliban insurgency strongholds later this year.
— A.B.M.
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retards
Bravo! This is why this site is becoming my all-time favorite political blog.
A suggestion: why not do a similarly satirical piece comparing the AZ Repubs to anarchists? Within one day last week, myself and a fellow parent at my daughter’s school made this connection separately.
Keep up the good work.
Hilarious!!! I agree – kill them with satire – and you’ve done a brilliant job!
Myself, I will go around saying things like “Why do Republicans hate public education?” which is the case not only here but at the Federal level, they’re knocking out money from the stimulus bill – money to build schools which will create jobs in construction? and then there’s “moral values” – right? It’s moral to put more money in the hands of the rich at the expense of the poor? News to me!
Your article is terrific – now, let’s use this approach also on the Republicans at the National level – in particular, our two senators – I can’t believe what comes out of their mouths! They need to know, loud and clear, what we expect them to do to represent us – their constitutents!!!! We must all rise up and email, phone, carrier pigeon – send the message – we, the citizens who you will need to reelect you expect you to – and then make your list!!!!! Oh! and don’t forget our new governor – she could use some of our messages, too! Inundate them with ever kind of communication you can think of!!! Never should they be able to say they never heard from “us”!
The Patriot reporting for duty, once again, Sir!
Brilliant!
Thank you for describing the political situation in our state in a way that is very funny and clever.