Fitz: Your Holiday Gift List for Trumpers

Crossposted with permission from the wholly excellent David Fitzsimmons’ Substack! You should get a paid subscription if you haven’t done that yet! -Editor Mike Bryan

20 Christmas gift ideas for the Trumper in your family:

1. Fully functioning Brain capable of logic plus free of denial, resentment and self pity (out of stock) 
2. Trump Reindeer Steaks made from phenomenal Manhattan rodent venison
3. “Santa’s Sleigh Gun Rack” by Slayer
4. “Ho Ho Ho Polar Bear Spray” with refills
5. Trump autographed “Book of Favorite Phenomenal Bible Stories”, includes “The Three Wise Men who chose not to prosecute me”, “Amahl and the Muslim Ban” and “The Two Corinthians”

6. Donald Trump Nativity Set featuring Baby Donald
7. “Rudy the Red Nosed Alcoholic Reindeer” Plush Lush Toy “Won’t you push my lies tonight?”
8. “Frosty the Fake Electors Playset” complete with Ballot counting Toy Abacus by “Cyber Ninja” and one-size-fits-all Orange Jumpsuits
9. Donald sings All the Phenomenal Holiday Hits on “I’m dreaming of a Very White Very Christian Christmas”
10. “Bumble Trump and the Island of Misfit Toys Game- No One wants to See That! Get the “Misfit Losers” out of Bumble Trump’s Sight and Win!”

11. The Donald Trump very Short Story Collection, “It’s a Wonderful Life Sentence for Disloyal Rats Who hate America and Christmas”
12. “Home Alone 3 at Mar-a-lago” featurette on DVD including Bonus High Quality Copies of Classified Documents, Nuclear Codes and War Plans
13. Donald Trump’s Miraculous Slim Quick Weighing Scale “Everyone weighs 215-Pounds!”
14. “Proud Boys” playset complete with Nazi tattoo stickers, nerf Pitchfork, and official “Presidential Pardon” by Retribution-Co
15. “Confederate Flag Snuggli with White Hoodie” from Klanmart
16. “Democracy Jenga” by Hasbro. Players take turns dismantling democracy one block at a time.
17. “Insurrection” by Nihilist Video Games, a division of Nintendo. Hang Mike Pence for the Win!
18. Digital “Tiki Torch March” Outdoor Yard Decor by U-Won’t-Replace-Us
19. “Build the Wall” Lego Set

20. “Liar Liar” fireproof pants from Mike Lindell the My Pants GuyLeave a comment