Got ADHD? You’re the Latest Target of MAGA

So, if you have ADHD and haven’t seen your doctor recently, buckle up. The United States has done it again—taken a marginally functioning healthcare system and made it worse. This time, the ADHD community is the target and the prescription is a heaping dose of suspicion, surveillance, and surprise charges, all served up in the name of “compliance.”

What is ADHD? It stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. It’s not caused by too much sugar or bad parenting. ADHD is a real neurological condition that affects how the brain processes information—particularly related to attention, impulse control, and self-regulation. Depending on its severity and whether other conditions are present, it can significantly impact daily functioning.

And that leads us into being neurodivergent in America. Imagine being neurodivergent and  being treated like a pre-criminal whose medical treatment needs to be re-verified every 12 months.

New Rules: Your Brain, Under Review

Medical professionals and clinics across the country are rolling out new hurdles for anyone prescribed stimulant meds, following updated Drug Enforcement Administration guidance that reads less like a medical policy and more like a f**king nightmare. If you’re 16 or older and take meds like Adderall, Ritalin, Concerta, or any other Schedule II controlled substance, here’s your new drill:

• $150 up front for a computer-based confirmation test via Creyos Health
• $50 every year after that for mandatory retesting, as if you’re checking in with a parole officer
• 48 hours off your medication before taking the test, because the best way to evaluate executive function is apparently to turn it off first. I’m waiting for the mandatory pee test to kick in, too. Mark my words.

These overeaching requirements are being adopted ‘to comply with current treatment guidelines’ and to ‘objectively monitor response to treatment.’ And if that sounds like a giant red dystopian flag—yep, it damn well is.

Who’s Benefiting? Not You, For Sure.

Enter Creyos Health, the platform powering many of these tests. They describe their assessments as “scientifically validated” and “clinician-trusted,” which is corporate code for: you’re paying for something your psychiatrist already knows but now has to prove again for liability reasons.

So patients get to fork over cash for a test they didn’t ask for, under conditions that make it less accurate, to get a diagnosis they already have, in order to access a medication that helps them function. All while health insurers quietly back away like it doesn’t know them.

Maximum Control, Minimum Insight

None of this is happening in a vacuum. The DEA, under the DOJ umbrella, has been ringing alarm bells about the stimulant crisis for a while now, with officials saying we’re “in the early stages of another drug epidemic.” Blaming increased prescriptions and “too-easy” telehealth access, they’ve made it clear: we don’t trust you or your doctor, and we’re watching.

Meanwhile, instead of improving access to proper care, we’re getting more restrictions, more paperwork, more expenses, and more chances to be denied treatment.

RFK Jr. Has Thoughts (Unfortunately)

While we’re on the topic of treating neurodivergent people like liabilities, let’s talk about Secretary of Hunches and Herbal Supplements Robert F. Kennedy Jr.—the Wellness Warden—who recently floated the Orwellian idea of shipping individuals with mental health needs to so-called communal wellness farms. Think: mindfulness prisons with better branding. 

Previously on America’s Favorite Alt-Reality Cabinet Member, Bobby BunkScience suggested these…er…wellness farms would be places where people can be given their meds, fed, and protected. Sure, it all sounds quaint, until you realize we’ve done this before, and it was called institutionalization and it wasn’t exactly a shining moment in American history. To be honest, he didn’t call it a funny farm, but let’s not pretend ‘communal wellness facility’ is fooling anyone. I’m still wondering when or if ever a modern day mental health patient would get discharged from RFK’s alleged asylums.

The irony here is enough to cause whiplash. RFK Jr. is a man who’s been public about his own extensive drug use—including heroin and cocaine—and he’s now proposing confinement as a solution for people who aren’t even abusing their medications, just trying to access them. You can’t make this stuff up. Or maybe you could, if you were off your meds for 48 hours.

No word yet on who will profit from these facilities. Hey, follow the money, right? Wondering whether or not it’s another thinly-veiled business opp for our rich overlords to exploit? Hmm. Immigrants no longer available to pick the produce? Let’s put those wellness farm inmates to work! (I sincerely hope I’m dead wrong about this one.)

TL;DR: The New ADHD Tax

This isn’t about healthcare. It’s about control, distrust, and creating situations so expensive and exhausting that people just give up. The DEA/DOJ get to look tough. Brainworm Kennedy and his boss, Herr Fearmongerer, get new stuff to lie about. Doctors and clinics get to cover their asses. Testing companies get paid. Insurance companies get to continue playing Russian Roulette with our lives. And you? You get to prove you’re worthy of functioning.