TeaNN, ‘Survivor – GOP Presidential Primary’

Posted by AzBlueMeanie:

The second GOP presidential candidate debate in "Survivor – GOP Presidential Primary" will be hosted by TeaNN (formerly CNN) in partnership with WMUR-TV/New Hampshire Union Leader on Monday, June 13, 2011. Candidates Announced for First New Hampshire GOP Primary Debate:

It will be the first debate in the “First in the Nation” primary state of New Hampshire. CNN anchor and chief national correspondent John King will moderate the debate, with questions from WMUR-TV’s Jean Mackin, Josh McElveen and Jennifer Vaughn and New Hampshire Union Leader’s John DiStaso and Tom Fahey.

The following Republican candidates will participate in the debate: Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, businessman Herman Cain, former Speaker Newt Gingrich, Texas Congressman Ron Paul, former Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty, former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney and former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum.

Since the first GOP presidential candidate debate last month, Fox Flop, 'Survivor – GOP Presidential Primary', there have been some major developments:

– FAUX News fraudcaster Mike "huckster" Huckabee decided he likes the easy money FAUX News pays him and he will not be a candidate. He also has a new line of revisionist conservative history DVD's he wants to sell you. Fellow FAUX News fraudcaster Sarah "don't know much about history" Palin obviously received a complimentary set of the huckster's DVDs.

– Reality TV show "star" (sic) Donald Trump got roasted at the White House correspondents dinner over his birtherism and NBC advised him that if he wants to run for president, "you're fired!" The Apprentice The Biggest Loser it is!

– Indiana governor Mitch Daniels pulled out of the race with an achilles heel problem (his wife).

– The campaign of Newt "goin' on a sea cruise" Gingrich imploded on Thursday when his staff quit en masse. This comes after an earlier sh*tstorm from the right-wing over his criticism of the GOP's alleged boy genius, Rep. Paul Ryan. Monday's debate will likely be Newt's one and only appearance. Newt is the Fred Thompson of 2012 – "I'm just not into it." Newt will be out with a new book about how America is just not ready for his genius by the end of Summer, a complimentary copy mailed direct to you for only a $500 contribution to one of Newt's PACs.

– The "Minnesota Loon" Michele Bachmann is (almost) officially declared, and her campaign manager Ed Rollins (a TeaNN commentator) immediately picked a cat fight with mean girl Sarah Palin, just as I predicted. "There's only room for one queen of this prom, biotch, and it ain't you!" Grab the popcorn – chick fight!

– Mean girl Sarah Palin drove her Partridge Family bus through a tornado in Massachusetts (no, really; who knew Massachusetts gets tornadoes?) to be sure to get to New Hampshire on time to rain on Willard "Mittens" Romney's parade. She later "apologized" for bigfooting Mittens' candidate announcement with a mean girl wink and a snear – "Pffft, as if!"

– Former Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty "of nuthin'" released his economic plan this week which was immediately dismissed as "a joke" by economists from the both the left and the right. The only people who were impressed were right-wing pundits who get paid to feign being impressed by (yawn) Pawlenty.

– Dominionist Christian culture warrior, former Pennsylvania senator Rick "man on dog" Santorum, formerly announced his candidacy this week as well. Santorum is a one-trick pony: he wants to ban abortion. He would be better suited to take over the reins for Randall Terry at Operation Rescue. The media should grill this sanctimonious SOB about his role in Nevada Senator John Ensign's extramarital affair and his participation in The Family religious cult at the C Street House in D.C.

– Finally, the "winner" of the first GOP presidential debate by a unanimous decision, former Godfather's Pizza executive Herman Cain, has been making a habit of saying outrageous things lately to appeal to the fringe of the GOP. Cain proposed building a Great Wall of China on our border with Mexico complete with alligators in a moat; requiring special loyalty oaths from practicing Muslims in the U.S. government; and promised that he will not sign any bill that is more than three pages long – which tells me that he has never actually read any bill. This comedian is ready for prime time.

Some things to look for before the next scheduled debate in "Survivor – GOP Presidential Primary": rumor has it that Rudy "a noun, a verb and 9/11" Giuliani is thinking about taking his old vaudeville act back out on the road again. And George W. Bush clone, "governor goodhair" Rick Perry of Texas, is thinking about running for president — but this Neoconfederate secessionist hasn't decided president of what exactly: The Republic of Texas? The Confederate States of America? Or the United States? Maybe Mike "huckster" Huckabee can loan him a set of his revisionist conservative history DVD's — I'm pretty sure the Confederacy won the Civil War in his version.

UPDATE: Former Rep. Virgil Goode (R-VA) Considering Bid For President | ThinkProgress. During his six terms in office, Goode distinguished himself with openly bigoted rhetoric toward gays, immigrants, Muslims, and other minority groups. He's perfect!