The QAnon Witch’s List Of Books To Ban (Satire)

Above: h/t to Kenny Jacobs.

Tucson treasure David Fitzsimmons (miss your toons, man) did some research into the book banning QAnon Witch and came up with Arizona Senator Justine Wadsack’s Banned Book List. (Note that Fitz is a humorist and satirist):

Here are the top 20 books Wadsack is hoping to ban, along with the notes she made about each book.

1. “Two Bad Ants”, by Chris Van Allsburg

“The ants are clearly gay.”

2. “Good night, Moon”, by Margaret Wise Brown

“I read about this online! Why on earth is someone repeatedly mooning this innocent child?”

3. “Kidnapped” by Robert Louis Stevenson

“ I don’t know who this Stevenson creep is but I don’t want to be giving any predators any ‘how-to’ ideas.”

4. “Pinocchio”, by Carlo Collodi

“This is a bomb waiting to go off as soon as some Marxist asks why aren’t there bathrooms in all our schools for every wooden boy and girl?”

5. “Where the Wild Things Are,” by Maurice Sendak

“A concerned parent told me he wondered if his child learned ‘where the wild things are’ if he’d lose that child to a life of island hopping, bestiality and depravity!”

6. “Harriet the Spy”, by Louise Fitzhugh

“Don’t need to read it to know what’s in it. Children do not need deviant sneaky voyeurs for role models.”

7. “A Light in the Attic”, by Shel Silverstein

“Don’t need to read it. I can imagine it’s thrust. Want to see what’s in my attic, little boy? Want to see what happens when the light’s off? Ew.”

8. “The Dictionary”

“All the filth you’d want from ‘Ass’ to whatever starts with ‘Z’ is right in there for all to see.”

9. “A Wrinkle in Time”, by Madeleine L’Engle

“I hate wrinkles. Ban it.”

10. “Charlotte’s Web”, by E.B. White

“Ban it before any ‘talking animals’ talk your children into unspeakable orgiastic carnal acts!”

11. “Worm Loves Worm”, By: J.J Austrian

“Not only do these icky worms love each other but they are naked. No child needs to see that.”

12. “Maus”, by Art Speigleman

“Didn’t read it. Why do the groomers in our school think our innocent children need to see images of mice taking showers?”

13. “In the Night Kitchen”, by Maurice Sendak

“Put a diaper on Mickey. We do not need to see his gentiles flopping around— or whatever they’re called.”

14. “Hop on Pop”, by Dr. Seuss

“Didn’t read it. This pro-incest tract speaks for itself. Hop off pop and ban it.”

15. “I Am Jazz”, by Jazz Jennings

“Didn’t read it. Why hold up a transgender reality TV star like Jazz Jennings as a positive role model for small kids when there are reality TV stars like Donald Trump to hold up as a positive role model for small kids?”

16. “And Tango Makes Three”, by Justin Richardson & Peter Parnell

“Didn’t read it. I don’t care if the book’s based on the true story of two male penguins who adopt a baby penguin at New York’s Central Park Zoo. Ban the book, close the zoo and ship the perverted Penguins to the South Pole.”

17. “Pat the Bunny”, by Dorothy Kunhardt

“Didn’t read it. I’ve been told this prurient, smutty book contains shocking images of children being forced to ‘pat the bunny’. I will get back to you with proof.”

18. “The Very Hungry Caterpillar” by Eric Carle.

“Didn’t need to read it. When I read in the dust jacket blurb that this book offers small children ‘fun holes to stick tiny fingers through’ I thought’ wow, these groomers are sneaky.’ Ban it.“

19. “Green Eggs and Ham”, by Dr. Seuss

“Another attempt by the groomers to get our children to ‘try new things’. What follows green eggs and ham? Red wine and roofies? A little S and M? Ban it.”

20. “Mommy, Mama, and Me”, by Lesléa Newman

“Didn’t read it. Described as a ‘joyful presentation of a loving home and family’ this is exactly the vile, filthy, licentious, raunchy, disgusting propaganda we are fighting against!”

Here is the first online ad I have run across for the SackWadsackLD17 recall campaign.

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4 thoughts on “The QAnon Witch’s List Of Books To Ban (Satire)”

  1. Yikes, our 4 year old granddaughter has had several of these books read to her already, before Kindergarten. Even Pinocchio.

  2. When you can’t tell the satire from the reality, its a sad day. How did this person get elected? An embarassment.

    • Republican Senator Wadsack was elected in LD 17. Check out the voter registration in that district which explains how she was elected in Nov. 2022:
      Demorats 47,779
      Republicans 61,548
      Other 50,850
      Libertarians 1288

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