Willard ‘Mittens’ Romney is a godless socialist Canadian

Posted by AzBlueMeanie:

(Satire Alert)

Remember when Arizona Secretary of State Ken Bennett said that he was not singling out President Obama to verify his birth certificate, and specifically said he would do the same thing “if somebody asked me to verify the Libertarian candidate or Mitt Romney or whoever it might end up being”?

Apparently we need to look for hidden Easter eggs in whatever Bennett says.

Bennett acknowledged Thursday he has received requests from Arizona residents to perform the same kind of verification through Michigan about Romney’s birth certificate as he did through Hawaii for Barack Obama. But Bennett says he will not verify the birth records of Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney, at least not now — and possibly not ever — despite his earlier public commitment to do so. AZ sec. of state not ready to check Romney’s birth status – East Valley Tribune:

Bennett is now saying he needs something else: An allegation by an Arizona law enforcement agency that there is a question about the veracity of a candidate’s claimed birth certificate.

He said that was always a precondition of looking into Romney or anyone else. He just never disclosed that.

I am sure that Bennett's position as Willard "Mittens" Romney's campaign co-chair in Arizona has nothing to do with this. I'll take him at his word.

Blog for Arizona has its own Cold Case Posse, and we have sent our agents Bob and Doug McKenzie (pictured here undercover) to the Great White North to investigate repeated rumors we have heard that Willard "Mittens" Romney was not born in Detroit, MIchigan like the short-form birth certificate he released earlier this week says, but rather he was born on the other side of the Detroit River in Windsor, Ontario. That's right folks, we have reason to believe that Willard "Mittens" Romney is a godless socialist Canadian!

Everyone knows that Canada's state religion is hockey. Bob and Doug have uncovered this photo of Willard "Mittens" Romney wearing a Saginaw Spirit hockey jersey, the only American team in the Ontario Hockey League. If Romney was really from Detroit, he would never be caught dead wearing any hockey jersey other than an NHL Detroit Red Wings jersey. (h/t Hockey – Wikiality, the Truthiness Encyclopedia).

Hayley Barbour, Dick DeVos, and Mitt Romney
at a Saginaw Spirit game on November 3, 2006.

And despite his claims of being a devout Mormon, Bob and Doug tell us they have heard that Willard "Mittens" Romney has been known to knock back a few Labatts, Molsons and Mooseheads, all Canadian beers. Bob and Doug assure us that they were just doing research in the undercover photo they sent us above.

And then there is the way Romney talks. What's up with the "sauce is good the goose and gander" thing? — would that be Canadian geese? You have to listen carefully. These sneaky socialists from Canada look and sound just like us! This may help you to find the "tells" in Romney's speech that he is actually a Canadian. northof45: How to talk like a Canadian – a 12-step program.

When Bob and Doug get back from Windsor they will be contacting your office, Secretary Bennett. Your cover-up of the fact that Willard "Mittens" Romney is a godless socialist Canadian will not be allowed to stand!

If any Canadians were offended by this satire, have another beer and get over it.