DJT’s Half-Baked, Fully Absurd TikTok Stick-Up

Donald Trump has blessed us with yet another spectacularly dumb idea. His latest genius suggestion? Allow TikTok to keep operating in the U.S., but only if a new buyer hands over 50% ownership to our government. 

“TikTok is worthless if I don’t approve it. The U.S. should be entitled to get half of TikTok,” Trump asserted. The man who claims to champion free markets just proposed a government shakedown of a private company. It’s giving “They understood the assignment” except the assignment is extortion.

Let’s break down why this idea is not just unethical, but also legally laughable, logistically impossible, and practically useless.

An Ownership Poison Pill

Theoretically, TikTok would be sold to a U.S. buyer. Theoretically. Simple enough, right? Except Trump’s condition—forking over half the app to our government—makes it untouchable to any buyer with a functioning brain.

Imagine spending billions to acquire TikTok, only to find yourself in business with Uncle Sam. That’s not a deal; it’s a booby trap, complete with government micromanagement and endless headaches.

So here we are, stuck in a classic “Get Ready With Me” to fail moment: demand too much, scare off buyers, and watch TikTok die on the Vine (see what I did there?).

GovTok: The App Nobody Wants

Let’s say someone does agree to this ridiculous setup. A TikTok partially owned by the U.S. government would be the fastest way to kill the platform. TikTok thrives on creativity and the illusion of independence. Slap a U.S. government co-ownership sticker on it and suddenly it’s as fresh as a Facebook poke.

Gen Z doesn’t want U.S. politicians lurking in their dance videos. And TikTok Shop affiliates won’t stick around to pitch products on a platform where the U.S. Congress can snoop at will. Your TikTok feed would quickly go from “For You” to “For Nobody.”

National Security or Just a Cash Grab?

The justification for this circus? National security, supposedly. TikTok is a data privacy threat because ByteDance could be forced to share user data with the Chinese government. Fair point. But forcing TikTok to share ownership with the U.S. government doesn’t fix the problem. It just swaps one villain for another.

Look, the solution to data privacy isn’t extortion; it’s regulation and enforcement. But let’s be honest: this plan was never about protecting Americans. It’s a tech-bro derailment, thinly disguised as patriotism. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Gen Z Isn’t Buying It

When TikTok went dark this month, Gen Z didn’t wait around. Feeling betrayed, they jumped ship to Red Note, another Chinese app. The message was clear: “You’re not the boss of me.”

If TikTok becomes GovTok, expect the same response. Gen Z will move on faster than a viral audio trend, leaving the government holding 50% of…what, exactly? A hollow shell of an app nobody’s using.

Anything But a Game-Changer

Let’s face it: Trump’s TikTok gangster grift isn’t just bad policy; it’s embarrassing policy. It misunderstands technology, capitalism, and Gen Z all at once.

This poorly conceived plan won’t save TikTok or protect Americans. Creators would rather rebuild their follower count on a new app than stick around for the “ick.” And when Gen Z makes their exit, they’ll turn GovTok into a meme that haunts it forever. Because if there’s one thing TikTok taught us, it’s how to make bad ideas unforgettable.


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2 thoughts on “DJT’s Half-Baked, Fully Absurd TikTok Stick-Up”

  1. Any real business person should get a terrifying chill watching Trump’s grifty corrupt antics around TikTok. He’s not about creating a strong business environment: he’s all about personal enrichment and graft. You just know that when he says America should get half of the company, he really means himself and his cronies.

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  2. If its Trump’s idea, its 100% idiotic. I know, the US can annex Gaza, and put Trump hotels and golf courses on it, financed by Russians. And then move the Palestinians to Kansas to work in the chicken processing plants after we deport the Salvadorans. Trump.logic. And MAGA brains will say its brilliant. God help us.

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