Oh, look! It’s Kari Lake…again…fresh off a GOP primary win. Just saying her name conjures up images of a growling dog vigorously shaking a chew toy it simply won’t let go of. Except, in this case, Kari is obsessed with a flawed concept of personal power and being in the spotlight. And instead of a dog, she’s an unhinged human who was somehow a TV anchor and then a failed gubernatorial candidate and is now running for the Arizona GOP Senate seat. Kari has had almost as many career pivots as Republican VP nominee JD Vance has had name changes.
A protégé (aka lapdog) of Donald Trump, Kari Lake is the ultimate entitled Karen, sore loser, whiny crybaby who pitches a fit when she doesn’t get her way. She is a real drain on our state’s limited resources. She has almost single-handedly clogged up court dockets with meritless lawsuits. She’s like that lingering house guest who has never heard of a courtesy flush. More to the point, Kari Lake is like a persistent sinus infection that keeps coming back, no matter how often you see the doctor. The reason? Her underlying condition is a toxic relationship with the truth.
Kari Lake is all about freedom…as long as we’re not talking about a woman’s freedom to make choices about her own body. Yep, she was thrilled when Roe v. Wade was overturned. I’ll bet she probably popped a champagne cork and then immediately started plotting ways to criminalize miscarriages. And don’t even get her started on Arizona’s 1864 abortion ban. Homegirl was ready to party like it’s the Wild West, medically speaking. Because what’s a few decades of progress among friends, right? Lately though, she’s tried to soften her public stance, because poll numbers can scare the bejesus out of politicians.
But wait, there’s more! As if Kari’s flip-flopping on women’s reproductive rights wasn’t galling enough, she sings with the MAGA Malarkey choir. She’s on the side of proposing massive cuts to the federal budget by a sh!t ton, which somehow always magically translates to gutting Medicaid, Medicare, and, you guessed it, veterans’ benefits. You know, just minor stuff that a million or so Arizonans rely on. It’s like she’s trying to win the award for Most Out of Touch Southwest Politician.
Kari Lake’s got a way with words; she brings to mind the opening line of Bohemian Rhapsody: “Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?” I wish I could write her off as one big joke, but I’m still reeling from that time she told her audience to “strap on a Glock” before elections. Are you f***ing kidding me? It’s the 21st century! I’m still astonished at those Americans who believe the Second Amendment means the right to bear arms against voters you don’t agree with at the ballot box. And let’s not forget Kari’s “heartfelt” tribute to the late Senator John McCain and his supporters. I’m pretty sure “get the hell out!” is a modern translation of the ancient phrase “may he rest in peace.”
Honestly, when it comes to individual GOP candidates in general, but especially Kari Lake, I keep having the same thought: “How can one person make so much noise and have so little self-awareness?” At this point, even some Republicans are face-palming when Kari enters stage right. They’re all “Kari, honey! We love a conspiracy theory as much as the next guy, but maybe dial it back a notch before you lose us the Senate seat, too.” But Kari’s all “Bitching about elections and political opponents is my love language!” Meanwhile, the rest of us are all “Kari, just give it a rest and STFU!”
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