UPDATE: TikTok goes down. TikTok comes back up. All in less than 24 hours. Convenient how creating the problem lets you swoop in to save the day, isn’t it? We’re all being played.
- Facebook creates an account on TikTok
- Facebook prompts users to add a link to their TikTok accounts
- TikTok displays messages to thank “President Trump” for his involvement
- etcetera etcetera
Gone Too Viral
In a time when our lives were choreographed by algorithms, filled with lip-synced trends, and stitched together into a digital frenzy, TikTok was undeniably the king of endless scrolling. But now, the app that gave us synchronized hand dances, oddly satisfying toilet-cleaning videos, and a new generation of foodies obsessed with cottage cheese has met an untimely death—not because of declining downloads or cringe-worthy content, but thanks to the heavy hand of Congress and the recent opinion by the Supreme Court.

Before you get too riled up by this obituary, I should also mention that DJT floated his fantasy on Truth Social about issuing an executive order and his hopes of seizing control of TikTok—perhaps so his 14.8 million TikTok followers could live-stream his inauguration. Sure, the sequence is a bit off, but hey, details, right?

Now back to reality…
TikTok—the platform that put the “for you” in FYP (and taught Boomers what those letters even meant)—leaves behind a legacy of viral dances, facial-filter-loving grandmas (like yours truly), and enough skincare hacks to overwhelm even the best dermatologists. It also leaves countless creators facing tough career-defining decisions: jump to YouTube Shorts or attempt the impossible, explain to their LinkedIn network why their career highlight is “Dump Dinner Diva.”
TikTok’s cultural reign brought us unforgettable musical moments, like:
• The “Corn Kid,” who reminded us all that, yes, “it’s corn!” (He’s probably selling NFTs now, but we still love him.)
• The sadly-compelling “Sometimes I’m alone” cat, hilariously auto-tuned into a singer and elevated to stardom by David Scott (aka the Kiffness), a musician, producer, and satirical content creator known for his video mashups that blend humor and musical talent.
• The Unofficial Bridgerton Musical and its win of the 2022 Grammy Award for best musical theatre album, proof that even people sitting at home can create music that can be respected by the music industry. It also marked the first time a project originated on TikTok won a Grammy.
Sure, critics said TikTok rotted brains, stole work hours, and maybe even a little personal data. (Guess what? Facebook collects more data than TikTok.) But TikTok also fueled creativity, forged connections, empowered stay-at-home moms and lifted single moms out of poverty through its TikTok Shop affiliate program, and provided dopamine hits that rivaled the pull of a Vegas slot machine. Now, with its so-called patriotic downfall, Congress has decided we’ll have to find serotonin…and income…somewhere else.
Options include:
• Instagram: For when you like TikTok but only through filters. Beware of the class system: Unless you’re a Kardashian or aspiring to mimic their lifestyle, gaining followers might be an uphill battle. TikTok was a socio-economic equalizer for many.
• Facebook: Home of your cousin’s excessive use of her FB avatar in your comments and all those pyramid scheme pitches in your feed. And let’s not forget about those now-unemployed fact checkers…the truth is so passé.
• Twitter (or X): The chaotic, doomscrolling dumpster fire of the Internet you visit between existential crises. But Elon Musk is a genius, right? Yeah, don’t hold your breath for X to return to the good old days (aka civility).
TikTok’s demise is a reminder that even the loudest platforms can be silenced, especially when they unite Zoomers, Millennials, and tired Gen Xers against a government still trying to figure out how Wi-Fi works. As Congress dropped the gavel, TikTok was effectively yeeted into oblivion, leaving behind a void of creativity, and a lot of uninformed parents wondering where their kids are now supposedly wasting time.
TikTok was preceded in its demise by the app Vine, along with millions of users now forced to venture into the real world. In lieu of flowers, consider picking up a book; you know, those things we apparently enjoyed before TikTok invented BookTok to sell them faster than Amazon.
Goodbye, TikTok. You made us laugh, cringe, and dance, often all at the same time. Rest in algorithmic peace, knowing your absence will haunt us every time someone says, “Remember that app? It was bussin.”

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AOC gets it:
“This bill, which was very large and substantive in terms of its impact, came to the Energy and Commerce Committee, it was marked up, it was brought to the floor in a matter of a few weeks, which is very, very fast. The degree to which corporations surveil the American people without genuine consent and genuine opt out should be illegal, point blank, period. So many of us naturally said the answer isn’t playing endless whack-a-mole with apps, the answer is that we should have real privacy legislation in the United States, and we should help people own their information and have greater agency over their information so they’re not being spied on all the time whether it’s a domestic company or a foreign company. We need privacy laws in the US, which of course big tech is going to fight against, and their lobbyists are going to fight against. So they just targeted an app rather than targeting the problem.”
Privacy laws are the medicinal check on corporate bad actors so badly needs.