The GOP Ruins Everything: The Not-So-Secret Republican Playbook

Are you tired of the never-ending comedy routine performed by MAGAts and the House FreeDumb Caucus? Does it seem like decisions made by these contrarian Republicans are just random gibberish? Well, fear not! I’m here to provide you with some insights into the mind-boggling world of ultra-conservative foolishness.

Right here, I’ll condense some of the main policies and actions that make up the not-so-secret Republican playbook (of sorts). Get ready to embark on a journey through the twisted maze of conservative antics that shape our society today.

Prioritize Self-interest in Politics

• Serve Anyone But the People Who Elected You: Make sure to shower your campaign benefactors with love and attention, securing a healthy reelection fund. Protect the interests of corporations, industries, the wealthy, and special interest groups, even if it means neglecting the needs of the majority of voters.
• Disregard the Will of the People: Ignore the genuine voices of your constituents. Succumb to the desires of your party’s most vocal bullies, power-hungry leaders, apathetic insiders, and corrupt lobbyists. Purposefully contribute to poverty and discrimination by branding earned benefits and social safety nets as “entitlements” and “socialism.”

Undermine Equity in Education

• Reverse Equal Opportunity in Higher Education: Praise the Christo-Fascist voices on the Supreme Court while they deepen racial inequality and dismantle Affirmative Action programs in college admissions. At the same time, conveniently ignore Legacy Admissions, a family benefit mostly enjoyed by white and wealthy alumni.
• Destroy K-12 Public Schools: Starve schools of adequate funding, then argue for privatization due to their supposed failure. Pay peanuts to experienced, qualified teachers and create a culture where school teachers are expected to self-fund classroom activities. Address the teacher shortage by lowering the bar for teacher certifications. Police the curriculum with a fine-tooth comb, labeling anything you don’t like as “Critical Race Theory.” Support school board candidates who advocate for anti-LGBTQ+ policies, book bans, and denying the racist aspects of our history.
• Bankrupt State School Districts: Vote for everything that diverts quality education away from local residents in favor of affluent families. Push school vouchers nationwide. Redirect resources from public schools to private and religious institutions, mislead voters about the budget impact, and delay or avoid any accountability for voucher expenditures.

Rig the Economy

• Embrace Economic Warfare: Spread anti-worker and anti-union narratives. Engage in illegal union busting activities. Fight against raising wages and undermine worker protections. Turn a blind eye to unfair labor practices like wage theft and safety violations. Weaken child labor laws and make it easier to exploit vulnerable workers, like migrant children. Unfairly burden low-income earners with higher taxes while giving the wealthy more tax loopholes and advantages. Criminalize poverty and homelessness.
• Ignore the Consumer: Let corporations hike prices and worsen inflation without any interference. Limit market competition, leading to economic strain and the lack of equitable opportunities.

Harm Voting Rights & Human Rights

• Marginalize and Disenfranchise: Use gerrymandering, voter suppression, and immigration policies to disproportionately impact specific demographics. Nurture social divisions and mindlessly parrot baseless talking points about election denialism.
• Promote Cultural Misunderstandings: Distort crime statistics to advance policies and foster mass distrust of minorities and immigrants. Falsely label LGBTQ+ individuals as groomers and pedophiles, while simultaneously ignoring the actual scandals of your own party members. Criminalize drag shows. Turn a blind eye to racial disparities in law enforcement. Undermine social cohesion by selectively imposing immigration policies. Disregard the value of cultural diversity.

Meddle in Reproductive Decisions

• Restrict Reproductive Rights: Use cherry-picked interpretations of culture, science, and scripture to trample on women’s rights. High-five other party members about the demise of abortion access and push for a nationwide ban. Strip women of necessary healthcare, even in the face of life-threatening pregnancy complications. Chip away at contraception or anything remotely related to family planning. Remain woefully misinformed about the female reproductive system and childbirth, but seize every opportunity to mansplain in justifying your oppressive legislation.
• Force Departure from the Workforce: Compel women to leave their jobs due to pro-birth laws and unaffordable childcare. Stifle women’s economic empowerment and contribute to societal inequalities. Conveniently ignore the talents of women while shifting the blame for the workforce skills gap. Indoctrinate high school and college-age women into becoming subservient wives and prioritizing childbirth over their own aspirations.

Sabotage Common Sense Gun Laws

• Tarnish Gun Regulation: Make it easier for everyone to access firearms, especially assault weapons, resulting in higher rates of gun violence. Normalize devastating incidents like school shootings. Show your minimal concern for gun deaths by tweeting “thoughts and prayers” without taking any meaningful legislative action.
• Advocate for the Gun Lobby: Hinder any reasonable attempts to address gun violence. Deny that guns are the leading cause of death for US children and teens. Overlook the immeasurable cost of human suffering and gladly accept generous NRA donations to your reelection campaign. Prioritize gun manufacturer profits over public safety by blindly supporting a flawed interpretation of the Second Amendment.

Weaken Media Pluralism

• Allow Media Monopolies: Give the green light to unchecked media consolidation, ensuring that public opinion is controlled, propaganda is echoed, and critical journalism is stifled. Support wealthy individuals who control major media outlets and let them shape the narrative to protect their interests, including maintaining their tax advantages.
• Demonize Nonconservative Voices: Label progressive, watchdog, and investigative news as fake. Undermine independent journalism, robbing society of diverse perspectives and hindering a healthy democratic discourse.

Closing Thoughts

And there you have it, a representative sample of the exasperating mindset that obviously underpins Republican politics today. After decades of “Trickle Down” Reaganomics followed by the growth of Christian Nationalism, Q-Anon hallucinations, and election denialism, the Republican Party has quite a pile of its own poo to clean up. But fear not! Our country still has a chance to get back on track, despite the circus of a party that has gone off the rails.

So don’t let this insanity go unchallenged because it’s only going to worsen if we sit back and ignore it. Stay informed, engage in dialogue with representatives and fellow voters, and actively participate in the democratic process. Work together while we – at least, those of us with compassion – strive for a more inclusive, just, and equitable society. It is within our collective power to shape the future we desire, where the people’s interests genuinely come first. And remember, don’t forget to vote Blue up and down the ballot! Because why settle for any other color when Blue is clearly the superior choice, right?